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afrival · 4 years ago

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AOT Characters When Drinking HCs

My friend and I were talking the other day and made some HCs about the AOT characters when they’re drunk— I shall share a them here 😎🤙

cw// alcohol, vomit

modern au shit so this like doesn’t apply season 4 characterization

The 104th Gang

Eren:

- Angry drunk

- To quote my friend, you would say something around him and he's just "ohmmy GODDD shutttt the fuck UP”

- It literally doesn’t matter what you say he will tell you to shut up

- Picks fights for no fucking reason, especially with Jean

- If they’re out to drink he would start a fight with a stranger

- Mikasa literally has to drag him away from fights

- Probably drinks too much and vomits for HOURS and then brags about how high his alcohol tolerance is

- Claims he doesn’t get hangovers but everybody knows he’s lying because he will absolutely just zone out of every conversation the next day

- Always looks like he is on the verge of vomiting again

Mikasa:

- Does not drink because she has to babysit Eren

- However when she does she does not drink a lot

- Probably gets like really flustered and embarrassed, maybe a little touchy b/c her head hurts or something

- Like she’ll lay her head on Sasha’s shoulder meanwhile Eren and Jean are yelling at each other in the background

- Does get a hangover but usually it’s just a headache and she’ll be EXHAUSTED

Armin:

- COMPLETE fucking lightweight oh my god

- Do not give this man alcohol he will absolutely get wrecked

- One glass of wine is probably enough to get him tipsy

- I can’t decide if he would be the kind of person that gets really emotional and cries about everything or if he would go on long drunken rants about the most random shit

- Probably both

- Like he would be crying about the fact that he learned about otters having a favorite rock or this REALLY round corgi he saw last weak and it was just too cute

- Mikasa has to babysit both Eren and Armin whenever he drinks because Eren will absolutely try and drag Armin into his fights

- And with the drunken courage he has Armin would absolutely join in by yelling or hyping Eren up

- He becomes such an enabler

- Would have a hangover if he didn’t pass the fuck out and sleep the entire next day

Connie and Sasha:

- Two for one deal, they are always hanging out whenever they drink

- They’re the most CHAOTIC fucking duo ever, like they would somehow get their hands on a bunch of firecrackers and let loose

- Sasha would probably try and talk to any animals near by

- Connie would be laughing and saying shit like “SASHA the dog can’t fuckin’ talk back 🙄”

- They spend their hangovers bitching and whining about how much it hurts

- Probably would wrap themselves up in blankets in a dark room and snacks and spend the whole day just waiting it out

Jean:

- Same thing as Eren

- Except he also gets more flirty, but it’s not good and usually he ends up embarrassing himself and scaring away the girl he was talk to

- Finds Connie and Sasha and joins them on their shenanigans if he ain’t arguing with Eren

- Probably claims he has really good ideas and then next thing you know all three of them are in a police station and it’s definitely his fault

- “What the fuck made you think taking that woman’s dog was okay”

- “It looked SAD, Connie! And Sasha helped me!”

- “NO—“

- Spends his hangover day with Sasha and Connie

Historia:

- The most giggly fucking drunk you will ever meet

- Laughs at EVERYTHING and asks really dumb questions because suddenly she just has one brain cell

- Also a lightweight just not as bad as Armin

- Ymir has to babysit her and then when Ymir is drunk is the other way around

- They take good care of each other

- Ymir thinks she’s the most adorable thing ever and probably gives into every dumbass request Historia makes

- “Ymir! Let’s go out to eat!”

- “Hist, it’s 2am.”

- “So? There’s someplace open somewhere!”

- “...Fine.”

- Also sleeps her hangover off but Ymir has some water and pain meds ready for whenever she wakes up

Ymir:

- Oh dear lord she becomes very cocky and flirty

- Hangs off Historia’s shoulders the whole time and absolutely starts a fight with whoever looks at her gf

- Eren tried to fight her once and he got his shit beat

- The next day she would be so dramatic about how much pain she’s in just to get Historia to pay attention to her

- And ofc Historia always does < 3

The Warriors:

Reiner:

- Mans becomes such a an emotional bro

- Like he will throw an arm around literally anyone and go off about how much he just thinks they’re the darndest thing

- “Bert have I ever told you how great you are?”

- “All the time. Like a lot. You’ve said it 12 times in the last 10 minutes. Are you okay?”

- Completely denies it happened the next day and pretend he doesn’t feel like shit

- Bertholdt would find him dead to the world on the couch in some weird ass position and then force him to get up and go to bed

- “Dude you smell like ass.”

- “Shut up and just get me some water please.”

Bertholdt:

- Does not drink a lot at all especially around the 104th

- He has to make sure nobody fucking dies, especially Reiner and Annie

- He would have a beer or five with Reiner every so often and then he’s like really clingy and cuddly

- He’s embarrassed about it the next day and also pretends he never got hammered

- Sometimes one of the 104th will walk into their house and Bertholdt would be squished betweeen the fridge and the counter

- He has somehow made his way into the kitchen and will just fall asleep it the weirdest fucking places

- Reiner leaves him there because he feels to bad to move him when he looks strangely comfortable all twisted

- Whenever he and Reiner drink together they will send drunk snaps to their friends

- “Bertholdt just messaged me???”

- “Is he with Reiner?”

- “Yeah I think s— oh no.”

Annie:

- Doesn’t drink a lot either but when she does she also tries to start fights with people

- It never works out and she ends up having really deep and heartfelt conversations with them

- Like I imagine her trying to fight Armin and he’s just shaking I’m his boots and then she just stops and says

- “Ya know, sometimes I get really sad...”

- And so begins the start of their friendship

- For all the AruAni shippers I feel like she would be really protective of Armin and make sure nobody starts anything with him

- Or if they’re with Eren and the gang she will throw hands with Eren if he tries to drag Armin into his disputes

- She also probably hangs around Mikasa to make sure she’s okay and to pretend to hate it whenever Mikasa lays on her shoulder or thigh because she feels sick

- Banysits Reiner and Bertholdt whenever they’re drinking together, and then bullies the fuck out of them the next day

- “You guys are dumbasses.”

- “It was REINER’S idea!”

The Veterans-

Levi:

- DOES NOT DRINK even though he absolutely would

- He like becomes such a fucking mom lowkey especially whenever the kids are getting out of hand

- He’s dealing with a bunch of toddlers plus Hange and Erwin come on

- “Don’t touch that.”

- “Put that down.”

- “Quit yelling.”

- He never offer to clean them up or get them anything because that’s disgusting, however he does make sure everybody is at okay before leaving

- Like that they’re all breathing or nobody is missing

- After that he’s out and then the next day he just stares at them like the most disappointed parent ever

- He tolerates Hange and Erwin a little more, like they both get clingy and he actually lets them just hang off of him or something even tho he hates it

- Would probably hold Hange’s hair back if she throws up, or at least make sure it’s tied up. He has to resist the urge to vomit himself because he just cannot handle it at all

- But then he would just leave her on the bathroom floor asleep

Erwin:

- Oh boy he probably gets so emotional

- The complete opposite of his usual personality it’s so fucking funny

- Will cry about anything and once again like Reiner and Hange will talk about how great you are

- Doesn’t remember SHIT the next day and literally has no clue he acts like this and refuses to believe it whenever somebody tells him

- Hange recorded it once and he just “😐 Delete that, please.”

- Hangs around Levi and is very grateful that he lets Erwin be an annoyance

Hange:

- Tells the kids to be careful with alcohol and then immediately is found face down in a bush

- She becomes like 10 times more bubbly and absolutely batshit

- Laughs really loudly at everything

- She and Armin would get into excited like half conversations about fun science facts or whatever

- Like they absolutely geek the fuck out

- She also probably goes off about how much she loves everyone

- “LEVIIIIII!!! You’re so WOMDERFUL!”

- “Thanks. Now get off of me, bitch.”

- Levi has to babysit her and Erwin LMAO he’s the designated driver every single time

- Always knows the perfect cure for a hangover so she doesn’t usually have a really bad one

This turned out A LOT longer than I thought it would be, oops! Anyway I love doing these so I’m gonna start making more. I will probably do a lot for AOT and Hetalia so 😗✌️ prepare for cringe

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mymymadeline · 4 years ago

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•Friendly Dark

gif by: @chrishemsworht

pairing: Hallmark Christmas Movie Au! Poe Dameron x Reader

word count: 6.9k+ words

summary:

warnings: alcohol cw

Adore You series: 01, 02, 03, 04, ... - AO3

Even though you’re on vacation, you are far from exempt from your work. And nothing is proving that more than the headache you nurse as you continue pouring over document after document on your tablet. Numbers and figures, charts and graphs, blueprints and sketches, even interviews and gossip articles – they’re all blending together after staring at the screen for what’s likely been hours.

Snoke’s call the night before was not a social one – they never are. He was going on about some acquisition Kylo’s been trying to make for the past few months, and apparently, he was missing something crucial, which is where you usually come in. The two of you have always been a team for a reason. He was more of the passion and ideas, whereas you were better with relations and logistics.

Snoke had immediately sent over hundreds of digital files for you to go through and find… well something. Most likely some kind of professional blackmail. Some kind of small violation or incident that would really be such a shame if it came to the media's attention. You know, the usual.

So far, everything they’ve done is up to code, as far as you can tell. But Snoke won’t take no for an answer. He’d have your head for it. So you continue looking through page after page, searching for some dirt, searching for any kind of upper hand on the competition.

After coming back in that night while on the phone with Snoke, you blew past your parents and went straight up to your room, where you’ve been for almost the entirety of this Sunday. You couldn’t even face them after that absolute embarrassment of an evening. And though this morning you did stalk around the house if only to get a thing or two to eat, you pointedly ignored your mother, only giving your father a small silent nod of acknowledgment.

Stealing away to your room for a full day of silent, frustrating work was not exactly your idea of a fun vacation back home, but neither was last night. Just the thought of running into Poe again makes you squeeze your eyes shut in embarrassment and stress. He probably thinks you’re an idiot now. Probably never wants to see you again. And who could blame him if he did?

If you were a different woman, you’d probably have shed a few embarrassed tears in the solitude of your room, but that wasn’t you. Not anymore. So you rub your eyes once again, and get back to work.

You’re back to staring at a tax filing by the company’s CEO from seventeen years ago when a notification pops up at the top of your screen.

Unknown Number

hey! its rose! i got ur number from when you called the shop lol hope thats not creepy

i was wondering if ur busy tonight? i was thinking of getting drinks w/ some friends at Kanata’s! wanna come? i can pick u up since ur ride is chopped ;)

You blink back at the notification. Drinks? At Kanata’s?

You can’t remember the last time you actually went out with a group of friends, especially for fun. Taking clients you and Kylo were wooing out to dinner was a common occurrence. But fun? They were never.

Another wave of anxiety washes over you. Friends? Who were these friends? Would they like you? Did you know them? Maybe it would be better to just stay and finish your work. Nothing could go wrong if you did that.

You open the message, absolutely ready to type an excuse why you can’t come, when there’s a gentle knock at your door. You already recognize it as your mother by the way she knocks even before she calls out gently.

“Love? You in there?”

“I’m here.” You leave your voice flat and emotionless. You need her to know you’re still mad.

“Can… Can I come in?”

‘No’ dances on the tip of your tongue for a strong moment, but the uncertainty in her soft voice gives you pause.

“...Okay.”

The door clicks open slowly and your mother pokes her head in, a small, nervous smile affecting her features. You only look at her blankly from your nest of blankets and pillows that have been on your bed since high school.

She steps more fully into the room, closing the door behind her most of the way. She leaves it open just a little, giving the both of you some air to breathe, but also, in a way, making sure not to lock herself in a cage with a wounded animal.

And she approaches you like one–cautious, hands visible and apologetic. You huff, curled up in the corner of your bed, and try to look anywhere but at her. But she’s hard to avoid as she sits gently on the far edge of your bed and pulls her hands into her lap, looking down and rolling them over one another contemplatively. You two sit like this for a moment, simmering in the uncomfortable tension, but like hell you’re the one with anything to apologize for.

She lets out a deep sigh. “I’m… so, so sorry… about my behavior last night. I suppose I just… wasn’t handling your absence as well as I thought I was.”

Despite the small sorrow your heart finds at her small and broken tone, the anger–rage even– that has been boiling since the night before claws desperately to be let out. You breathe deeply, and do your best to keep it still in its place. But that doesn’t exclude the fury that seeps into your quiet voice, as you level your gaze with hers.

“Mom, that was the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me in my entire professional career. I need you to know this.”

She nods understandingly and looks back to her fiddling hands. “Yes. I know. And I couldn’t be sorry enough. I realized...I– I don’t know how to be your mother anymore.” You blink at this. A terrible lurch in your gut crawls into your throat at the sight of the tears silently beginning their descent down her cheeks. “I don’t know what to do for you when you're a grown woman who’s accomplished so much on her own without me. I miss you, but I’m not really sure I know you anymore.”

She looks up suddenly at you, her face twisted with grief and regret.

“I didn’t mean it like that… I-”

You stop her, shaking your head, swallowing the lump in your throat, willing the sudden strange wetness in your eyes away. Your voice comes out more choked up than you wish. But whatever wall was up is quickly crumbling away.

“No… Mom, I think I understand.” You look down at your own hands now, picking at your nails nervously, silently discovering the lineage of this habit of yours. You smile sadly at the thought. “I feel that way too sometimes… about myself.”

“Oh, love.” Your mother reaches out, placing her hand on your foot, the only part of you she can reach, and squeezes it gently. She smiles sweetly, her eyes and cheeks still wet, though she’s wiped away the tears.

“You’re not my little girl anymore… but you’re still my daughter, and I’ll love you no matter what.”

You nod, suppressing a sniff as you rub at your nose. She squeezes your foot one more time before standing up and making her way back to the door. She reaches for the handle when you call out.

“I love you, Mom.”

The smile she sends you is genuine, heartfelt, and warming to your core. It makes you realize how much you truly missed your mother, even if she had her difficulties. “I love you too, girlie.”

With that, she closes the door, leaving you alone with your tablet and the unanswered message. But you know your response now.

Sounds fun! Let me know what time. I’d love to come, if you’ll have me.

You begin entering Rose’s information into your contacts and her response is almost immediate.

Rose Tico

duuuh! ill get u at like 8ish? and we’ll meet them there! cant wait!

You look down at the message and can’t help but feel a little more at home.

______________

You run a hand through your hair, adjusting your outfit for the hundredth time. You’ve opted for something more casual tonight. Something a little more friendly, approachable. You suddenly frown at your reflection. You don’t need these people’s approval. Well, no. But it wouldn’t be so bad to be friendly for once would it?

The two voices in your head continue to battle it out, leaving you frozen in the mirror, desperately trying to understand how you feel in this moment. Anxious? Perhaps. Regretful of accepting this invitation? Maybe.

Your phone chirps, lighting up on your desk. Glancing over, you see it’s Rose. You don’t need to read it to know it’s just her announcing her arrival, but you pick it up anyway, settling down on your bed and slipping on your shoes as you open the message.

Rose Tico

here!!! right in front lol

One moment!

You lace up your boots quickly, practically sprinting out of your room and down the stairs, snatching up your long coat on the way.

“I’m headed out, I won’t be back until you guys are already in bed. So, goodnight.”

You call out to the living room as you pull on the coat, your parents turning from their seats on the couch, eyeing you with interest.

“And where are you going this late, young lady?” Your father questions sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

“Out with friends,” you rush, already halfway out the door, spotting Rose in her car and giving a small wave. “Love you, bye!”

Half-jogging down the steps, you cross quickly but cautiously through the snow-laden yard, careful not to slip. As you close the gate behind you, Rose is already opening the passenger door from the inside, beckoning you in.

“Get inside, it’s freezing!”

You allow yourself a small laugh and slide into the seat next to her. Pulling the door closed, you look around, taking in the space of the car, as she starts it back up and pulls away from the curb.

Like most things in The Base, it’s worn and old, peeling and chafed, likely held together with duct tape and love. But despite all of its imperfections, it’s not only comfortable, it’s cozy. It’s warm and personal, every dent containing a story, every mile meaningful.

You can’t help but think back to the chill rigid efficiency of your TIE. Sure, it gets the job done, and is mighty stylish while it does so, but you’ve never felt like it was yours. Never felt anything but cool indifference for its sleek lines and dark exterior.

“So, you’re looking snazzy tonight.” Rose pulls you out of your thoughts with her cheery tone.

You look down at your outfit, once again tugging at its hems.

“Am I? I was actually trying to dress down.”

She laughs at that. “You think that’s dressing down? No way, this is dressing down.” She takes one hand off the wheel, gesturing at her own attire: A brown button-up with a sewn name tag and a pair of dark cargo pants. Likely the uniform she wore to work today. Her cool attitude and smooth voice put you at ease, and you can feel your guard begin to lower.

“I like this on you,” you quietly praise. You pick at your nails, continuing, “Don’t take this the wrong way, please, but… I admire that you can wear clothes like that and feel comfortable. I feel like I have to dress up all the time, no matter what. I don’t know… I- Nevermind.”

You look up at Rose and she pulls her eyes away from the road for a moment to give you a meaningful look. She nods sympathetically, her previous lightness replaced by understanding. She realizes the weight of this seemingly minor admission.

“I get it, I do.” She gives you a soothing smile. “I just hope you can feel comfortable here… with us. We like having you back, even if just for a moment.”

Still smiling, she turns back to the wheel with a light shrug. “Plus, this isn’t Canto Bight. You’ll look great no matter what.”

You groan, half sardonic, half-serious. “Oh, please don’t remind me. You know, I thought I was a vulture, but those people,” you give an audible shiver. “They’re something else.”

Rose laughs melodically. “Oh, do tell.”

______________

The ride to the bar is short, the car only really needed for warmth, but the company is appreciated. Rose laughs along to your story of once attempting to cover for Kylo’s drunken rage in front of investors, and while it was a very unamusing situation at the time, you find yourself chuckling with her.

“Well, that’s why we don’t let him have Bespin Fizzes anymore.”

Rose giggles at that, before piping up in her seat a little. “There it is!”

The bar comes into view just ahead, a familiar neon sign reading Kanata’s hanging overhead a small brick building. The parking lot is compact, but practically full, reminding you just how small the town is, as Kanata’s is the only real bar in the whole Base, and as such, is the town’s favorite happy hour hangout.

She leans up the dashboard, pointing to an old, grey, junky Corellian that’s as familiar to the town as the bar.

“There’s the Falcon,” she points out with a smile, though you don’t need her to tell which car it is. “They’re here.”

You nod, smiling at the old hunk of junk fondly, before suddenly realizing what the Falcon’s presence implies. She pulls up to the spot next to it as you turn to her.

“Wait, we’re getting drinks with Han? ” You try not to sound upset, only curious, but Rose reads your panic easily.

“No, silly,” she giggles, and seems to dodge the question, stepping out of the car. You quickly follow behind, stepping out into the chill night air. Closing the doors, Rose rounds the car and you trail next to her, past the Falcon and towards the bar's entrance. She continues her explanation without you having to ask.

“About five years ago, Han gave the Falcon away.”

“He gave it away? Why would he do that? To who?”

She pushes open the door, leading you into the dimly lit bar, which you only now realize with its unfamiliar interior, that you never stuck around to be old enough to actually enter it. The lights are low, yellow and red, but not unwelcoming, in fact creating a warm atmosphere. It’s brightest around the bar itself, with neon and string lights, as patrons sit on the stools, chatting over the low playing jukebox on the far side of the room. Near it are a couple of pool tables, busy with players in the middle of games. A few locals drink in booths against the walls, however Rose leads you towards the high tables and stools in the middle of the room. You’re scanning the bar for anyone you recognize when you finally see where she’s leading you– to the only couple occupying the tables, and your heart drops into your stomach as your fight or flight instinct kicks in.

“To them!” Rose points but once again you don’t need her helpful hand to see what you need to.

At the table is a girl you don’t recognize with a sweet face and dark hair, but it’s the familiar face next to her that makes you want to run.

Finn, your old classmate, but more importantly your old employee, sits smiling and laughing, casual as anything. You knew Finn left First Order – on very bad terms, one would be remiss to forget – after a fateful trip home for somewhere less cutthroat and competitive, but you thought that meant somewhere like Alderaan. You didn’t think he’d come back, and you certainly didn’t think you’d actually see him here.

Rose doesn’t notice your hesitation, continuing to pull you forward and calling out to her friends. She catches their attention, waving, and you brace for the moment of impact.

Finn is going to be mad that you’re here. He’s going to be furious. He’s going to stand up and yell at Rose about how awful of a person you are and make sure nobody in this town will even so much as smile at you ever again. He’s going to laugh in your face and tell you to go back to Coruscant and you’ll do it because you’re so deeply embarrassed.

The girl turns first, smiling and waving back at Rose. She grins brightly at you as well, obviously unfamiliar but still friendly. Finn turns second with an easy expression, glancing at you briefly before doing a double-take. His face falls, but not into anger like you expect. It drops to confusion, like he’s making sure it’s you, which then turns into half-smug disbelief, a bewildered smile taking over his features.

Finn speaks first. “No-freaking-way.”

Tension still wracks your body as he steps off the stool, meeting you and Rose in front of the table. Rose looks between the two of you before dropping your hand and covering her eyes.

“Oh my God, I totally forgot about the whole…” She looks to you apologetically, not towards Finn, which confuses you. “I’m so sorry I forgot to say.”

“No, I- it’s okay. I just hope I’m not intruding.” It seems that this town just loves to leave you at a loss for words.

Finn laughs, seemingly completely at ease. “Not unless you’re here to talk about work. Or to try to win me back.”

“God, no. Not that we wouldn’t love to have you back but,” you glance quickly at the friendly girl still sitting at the table, obviously confused. “I understand that you’re much happier here.”

“That I am.”

“Then that’s all I care about.”

Rose absolutely buzzes with energy at the exchange. “Yay! So we’re all still friends and everything?” Her hands are clasped and her hopeful eyes flicker back and forth between the two of you.

You turn your gaze back to Finn, hoping that you look as genuine as he does. “I hope so.”

“I don’t see any reason why not,” He smiles warmly at you, offering his hand. “Besides, you weren’t exactly the one that left me with a bad taste in my mouth.”

You take his hand easily, and just barely manage to quell your surprise when he uses it to tug you into a warm hug. The recent bombardment of hugs you’ve received in the past few days is the only thing that gets your arms moving properly, wrapping loosely around Finn for a moment before you part.

As you pull back, an awkwardness comes to hang in the air as a silence settles between the four of you. You suddenly remember the girl at the table seemingly the same moment that Finn does. He pipes up, turning towards her and half leading you to the table where they were sitting.

“Right, uh, Rey, I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine.”

You extend a hand and introduce yourself to the woman, Rey, and she lets out an awkward laugh as she takes it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I was a bit, erm, hesitant to intrude on the moment. Seems like there’s a lot of history going on here.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Finn laughs before his nose scrunches up in thought. “Actually, you might have some idea. You know the place I used to work before we met?”

Rey’s face twists in disgust. “You mean that awful tech company? God, you couldn’t stop talking about how awful it was for almost a year. Must’ve been terrible. Did you work there too?”

She looks to you as your cheeks heat up and you can't help the grimace that creeps into your expression. “I actually still do.”

Finn opens his mouth but Rey beats him to it. “Oh no, that must be awful. What do you do? Get yelled at all day by some tall blonde woman like Finn did?” She chuckles at her own joke, but she’s the only one. Finn and Rose look like they’d rather be anywhere else. Probably at the bar. With strong drinks. Yet, you feel a chill indifference wash over you. The one you feel whenever you walk through the doors of the First Order offices and meetings.

“Actually I’m the COO.”

Rey’s jaw slackens with the shock, mouth starting and stopping any words she attempts to get out. “I… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” Finn has his head fully in his hands and Rose looks like she might die. But you smile softly.

“It’s okay. I’ve heard far worse before. From people whose opinions were far more important.”

The urge to storm out tugs at your gut but your feet stay planted. It’s strange. You’re not quite sure what emotion it is that you’re feeling exactly. There’s anger, but it’s the blow to your pride that fuels it. There’s certainly embarrassment. Mostly, you realize it’s guilt. Guilt that the company you worked so hard to build has hurt people - people that you care about. You knew it happened, probably every day, probably right at this moment, but being faced with the conversations that people must be having behind your back… It hurts. It hurts in many directions.

“Drinks!” Rose chirps loudly, desperate to break the tension. “I’ll go get us some drinks!”

She spins on a dime and immediately heads towards the bar. Looking between you and Rey, Finn gulps. “She’ll probably need some… help with those…” He’s immediately out of his chair and trailing behind Rose.

Rey sits quietly, a thoughtful look on her face as you finally take a seat on the stool across from her. The silence hangs for a moment as the jukebox croons quietly in the background.

“I really didn’t mean it that way,” Rey starts quietly. “It’s just…” She leans towards you, elbows resting in front of her on the table. Her eyes are earnest, kindness pouring forth. “Finn was miserable when we met in Jakku. Work was stressing him out to no end, but mostly… he felt like he was hurting people. He had a stable and successful job but… what did it cost him? All he ever wanted to do was help people.” She sighs, and a small smile tugs at her lips. “I like to think I helped him, but really, he knew all along what he had to do. I’m so grateful that we’re both here now, working with the kids, helping people where it feels like it really matters. I can’t speak for you, but it sounds like you’re proud of your company, and I’m glad but… It just wasn’t right for Finn. I hope I haven’t offended you.”

You’re momentarily stunned by her small speech. Not just the words but her honesty. You can tell from the tone of her voice just how much she cares for Finn and how much she believes in their cause. You find a small stain on the table, gazing at it intensely in thought. You’ve just wanted to help people too, all your life, but making something of yourself always came first it seemed. You told yourself you were helping people, creating new things that made so many people’s lives easier, donating intensely to charities, but how many people were you hurting on the way? How many times can you tell yourself that some eggs must be cracked to make an omelette? How many people have you screwed over, blackmailed, and outright stolen from? How many shady people have you bought from or sold to? How many things have you ignored or swept under the carpet just to keep business running as usual?

“If it helps… Finn always spoke highly of you.”

You look up as Rey draws you out of your thoughts, something she obviously picks up on going by her smile.

“Well… He’s a good man. A good friend before he was an employee… I didn’t mean what I said either - about your opinion not mattering. That’s not true, I just…” You trail off, but look up to find comfort and forgiveness in her warm expression. You give her a small genuine smile of your own. “Maybe we should just start over.”

You extend a hand, introducing yourself and she does the same, laughing lightly as she does so. At that moment, Rose and Finn come shuffling over, each balancing a tray with a few colorful drinks and rounds of shots. Placing the trays on the table, Finn eyes your smiles and parting hands.

“Are you guys… Is everything good now?”

You nod, laughing. “Yes, I think we just got off on the wrong foot.”

“And we’re just here to have a good time and hang out - no work talk.” Rey winks at Finn. He lets out a hearty laugh, clapping you two on the back.

“Oh, you two are good.”

“Actually, there’s one more thing,” Rose cuts in. She looks absolutely tickled pink, poorly suppressing her roguish grin. Finn and Rey raise an eyebrow in unison, seemingly used to this behavior.

Rose giggles, “I invited Poe!”

You instantly feel your heart rate pick up and a gentle heat rise in your cheeks, but it seems your the only one excited about this development. Rey only sighs with an unamused laugh. Rolling his eyes, Finn shakes his head, “That’s not exactly a surprise.” He turns to you. “She invites him out every time. And every time he says no. ‘Too busy.’”

“He never just relaxes,” Rey chimes in. “We’re constantly inviting him out, even inviting ourselves into the shop occasionally, but he’s just so dedicated to his work. It’d be admirable if it wasn’t so annoying.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Rose waves her hands around, as if attempting to dispel the negative comments in the air before they reach you. “BUT… I told him a certain special someone was gonna be here!”

Finn and Rey both turn to you, Rey holding an expression of curiosity and Finn looking at you with new eyes, the gears turning almost visibly in his head. Did she mean you? Everyone seems to be looking at you expectantly so… she must be. Sure, Poe seems to like you well enough but… This is behavior that seems to have been going on for years. How could your presence possibly change that?

“Wh- Me?” You ask, turning to Rose at a sudden loss for words. “Why- What makes me special?”

Rose rolls her eyes so hard her head can’t help but follow. “You are so oblivious. And so special.”

Finn nods, with a grin you can only describe as ‘shit-eating.’

“Of course.” He bites his lip deviously. “This is gonna be so fun.”

“Really wha-”

You’re cut off by the sound of the blowing snow and wind as the door creaks open behind you. As if on cue, each of your heads swivel to the entrance to see the door swinging shut behind Poe shaking the snowflakes out of his hair, cheeks ruddy from the outside cold. He looks up from tugging his gloves off to see the four of you gawking at him. If he can tell he just walked in on a discussion of himself, he doesn’t show it. He practically beams at the four of you, but lets his eyes settle on yours.

“Hey guys.”

“This is gonna be so fun,” You hear Finn whisper behind you.

You fail miserably at trying to hide your smile, but you know it’s for the best.

______________

“God, I know it’s embarrassing but... that’s so funny.” Rey chuckles with red cheeks, thoroughly amused.

“But it’s so embarrassing,” You exclaim, a little louder than you’re usually comfortable with but the drinks you’ve been slowly consuming for the past two hours have loosened your tongue just a bit.

Finn continues to shake his head in laughter. “I do love your mom, though. I wanna thank her for that one. A proper Base welcome.”

“C’mon, it really wasn’t so bad,” Poe laughs.

Once he’d arrived, everyone made quick work of getting him a drink and dragging over a stool, planting him firmly and snuggly between you and Rose. Small pleasantries and catching up eventually turned into you and Poe recounting the previous night's dinner and conversation at the strong behest of the rest of the group. It mostly consisted of you complaining and apologizing to Poe and him simply laughing it off, attempting to placate your worries. Finn, Rey, and Rose simply watched in entertainment, soaking up every juicy detail.

“Really, you have to stop beating yourself up about it. You’ll drive yourself insane.” Poe places a hand on your shoulder, sending a little shiver of electricity through your body that you desperately try to curb. You look down at his hand on your shoulder and are struck with the desire to see it as often as possible. Meeting his eyes, they are warm and kind and cause you to immediately lose whatever it was you were going to just say. You are now very aware of just how buzzed you are.

“I’ll… I’ll try.” You give him a small smile and he accepts it readily, his own smile growing. Over your shoulder, Finn must catch his eye because he swiftly turns his head back to his drink on the table and clears his throat. His hand gives you a small pat and quickly retreats back to his lap. His hand makes a loose fist and you miss its warmth.

“Well,” Rose starts. “It’s getting late and I am so beat. I should get going.”

Rose gives a meaningful glance at Finn and Rey, “Isn’t it a school night? You guys should get going too. Don’t want to have to show a video tomorrow.”

Finn’s eyes widen a bit and Rey nods fervently.

“Yes, absolutely. You’re so right, Rose.” Finn begins standing up from his stool. “C’mon, Rey, we should be off.”

Those fucking conspirators. You know you should be grateful - they’re trying very hard to set you up with your high school crush - but all you can feel is panic. You’re an expert at talking to people, from brokering deals to conducting yourself in interviews and even giving presentations, you’ve trained and practiced in the art of discussion. But for some reason, just being in the same room as Poe makes your brain short circuit. Your mind constantly pulls back and forth whether to close off and shut him out or loosen up and actually let him in. It’s barely been three days but it feels like so much longer. And that’s terrifying.

“Uh-Wh- Are you guys okay to drive?” You sputter.

Finn sends you a reassuring smile as he grabs Rey by the shoulders, “Rey might not be in any state to drive, but I’m totally fine. I’ve had maybe two drinks in the past couple hours. Don’t worry.”

Rose is off her stool too, gathering her coat. “Could you maybe drop me off too? I’d just walk but it’s so damn cold.”

“No problem, Rose.”

“What about me? I’m supposed to walk then?” You interject, flustered. “Rose, you drove me here.”

Rose gives an exaggerated look of cluelessness, giving you a shrug before looking over at Poe.

Breaking his momentary silence, Poe gives you a nod. “Yeah, I can give you a ride if you want.”

You can only nod along. “Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you.”

Rose lets out a little squeal, scrambling over to give you a kiss on the cheek and skip out the door, calling out goodbyes over her shoulder. You can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh along with Finn and Rey, both of them giving you and Poe sidehugs before taking their exit as well.

As the doors swing shut and the silence between you settles, you glance around at the bar. There are about half as many people as there were a few hours ago but the place doesn’t feel empty by any means. The few patrons still mill about, some playing pool, some chatting at the bar. You sigh contently at the sight, something Poe catches as he watches you.

“Good to be home?”

You look over, momentarily studying his handsome features in the warm lights as you try to figure out how to answer his question.

“I don’t know. Like I said before, it’s not really home. And yet it is.”

He nods, thinking for a second. “But are you happy to be here?”

You eye him, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I’m starting to be.”

“Well, I’ll drink to that.” He grins, holding up his bottle. You meet his with your own, both taking a swig with a smile.

As you settle your drinks back on the table, Poe leans over with a lowered voice. Your pulse thrums in your veins. “You know, I actually had a great time last night, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

You sigh with chagrin, momentarily closing your eyes to rub at the spot between your brows.

“Well, I’m glad you had so much fun at my expense.”

Poe leans away, shutting his eyes in his own embarrassment.

“That’s not what I meant, I’m sorry.”

You chuckle lightly, a sound that gets Poe to open one eye before breaking into a smile, laughing with you. He leans in again, still smiling but a serious tone overtakes him.

“I really understand if you don’t want to talk about it but… What was your mother talking about… with Ben?”

You feel like a bucket of water has been dumped on you, ruining the easy-going mood you’d let slowly wash over you for the past few hours, but when you look at him, you can’t help but want to tell him everything.

“I just… I’ve only heard bits and pieces about what happened after you graduated. You really… disappeared.”

“Not disappeared,” you say quietly, with grit in your voice. “They just started paying attention to me somewhere else.”

“I paid attention to you,” Poe murmurs. When you catch his eye, he corrects himself. “I mean, we all did.”

You smile sadly, “Yeah, this is different.”

Poe gently knocks your shoulder with his, making you let out a snicker. Glancing over, Poe levels you with a genuine look, with soft eyes and a smile. “I get the feeling you don’t talk about your life often. So, tell me about it.”

He’s right. You never talk about your life, you certainly never regale your story to whoever asks. Doing that requires you to be vulnerable, it requires self-reflection and introspection. It requires you to think about things that you’ve long locked away inside. But…

“Well, I’m not sure how well you remember, or if you ever noticed but… no one ever really talked to me. Then one day, Ben did. No one ever really talked to him either, so we made a fast pair. He was odd... but he was a real friend to me. I wouldn’t have traded that for anything.”

Poe nods understandably, encouraging you to keep going.

“We decided to stick together. We got into Imperial University together and got out as quickly as we could. Neither of us… We couldn’t stay here, not with what we planned on doing with our lives. This town… it just wasn’t for us.”

“Yeah, I hear that a lot. I get that, too.” Poe takes a drink.

“You do?”

He laughs softly. “Yeah, but that’s a story for another time. Keep going.”

“We learned at school that we worked really well together. Our mentor Snoke realized that, too. He led us, taught us, molded us. He helped us build our company, First Order Tech. He was our first investor, he still sits on the board of directors. Kylo… Ben may be the CEO, but Snoke is still in charge of both of us to this day. It’s our company, we created it from the ground up but… We still bow to him.”

You shake your head. Time for the hard part. Might as well get it out quick and easy.

“Somewhere along the way… I don’t know if it was love. It wasn’t love how it should be - I can tell you that. But, Ben and I… were together. And then he proposed. I don’t think it was because he wanted to. I think he just thought… he was supposed to. Just the natural progression of our lives, I guess.”

You don’t realize you’re crying until the teardrops reach your chin, where they hang heavily before dropping onto your lap. You quickly wipe them away, as Poe once again places a hand on your back, but this time it stays there, his thumb rubbing comfortably back and forth.

“You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. It’s okay.”

“I just,” You sniffle, wiping your nose. Way to break down just as he was warming up to you, kiddo. “I’ve never talked about this before, not really. I don’t even think I’ve ever cried over this before.”

“Anyway, I somehow became lucid enough to call it off a few months before the wedding.”

You sniff wetly and press the backs of your hands to your eyes, your makeup no doubt ruined by now. Poe’s thumb keeps its motion.

“I just wanted it so bad,” Your voice cracks. The lump that had been caught in your throat breaks free in the form of a sob. “I let myself be blind because I…”

Your hands are shaking and tears run freely down your face.

“I wanted to be loved. And I thought that’s how I would get it. But I woke up.”

You drop your hands onto the table, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. You clench your fists and your voice no longer trembles.

“And I’m glad I did. We’re both better people for it.”

Only now do you chance a look at Poe. You had kept your gaze down, too scared to find what his expression might be, too scared to read his thoughts on his face. But his hand had stayed planted, comforting you. That had to mean something, right?

Looking up, you see only his warm gaze that had assured you deeply enough to get you talking in the first place. It carries a sadness, a kind of worry in the crease between his slightly upturned brows. But you find no disgust. No pity.

“I wish I knew what to say.”

You chuckle wetly, “You don’t have to say anything. I understand that it’s a lot.”

His hand makes a broad stroke across your back as he leans in once again.

“There’s actually a lot of things I want to say, but I’m sure you’d hate all of them considering they all sound like condescending things your mom has probably said to you over the years.”

A genuine laugh bubbles out of you at this, a bright smile pulling up your wet mascara stained cheeks. Seeing this, Poe can’t help a smile of his own.

“Things like ‘you’re so brave’ and ‘you poor thing’?” You giggle.

He chuckles, “Yeah something like that, the usuals.”

“Well thank you for sparing me.”

“No problem.” He pauses for a moment. “But really, thank you for telling me.”

He sounds like he means it.

“Thank you for listening, Poe.”

And so do you.

You sit like that just for a moment, gazing at each other. You take in the small details, admiring the creases around his eyes, the shape of his jaw, the curls in his hair. He seems to be taking you in as well, his eyes flickering across your features. You see them linger on the stains of your cheeks, turning your head away subconsciously.

“Ready to go?” He asks softly.

You smile and nod, wiping at your nose with your sleeve. “Yeah, I think I’m ready.”

You wobble just a bit as you get up from your seat, but Poe’s hand is still there to steady you. It stays there as you walk to the door. Stepping out into the cold, you instinctively huddle against him, a move he readily accepts as you walk.

“I’m not always a sad drunk, I promise.”

You feel the rumble of his chest as he laughs gently at your small joke.

“Don’t worry. I believe you.”

The ride is comfortably silent, except for the low hum of the radio as you drive. Pulling up to your house, you want to say something, do something, to thank him for what he did tonight. For driving you home, for listening to you and comforting you as you practically sobbed in his arms, for coming to the bar at all, supposedly just because you were there.

But you don’t do anything.

“I’ll see you around,” is all you say.

You hear him swallow as he nods. “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll see you.”

When you finally slink upstairs and collapse in your bed, you still feel the phantom touch of Poe’s hand across your back.

notes: Whew! Thank you SO much for reading and thanks to all the people who stuck around! It’s been such a long and hard year and I hope everyone is doing okay. I’m determined to make this year great and I hope you all will join me!

I understand it’s been forever so if you’re on the taglist and would like to taken off it, hit me up and I’ll totally understand - and if you’re not on the taglist and would like to be leave a reply or send me a message! love you all <3

taglist: @ikbenplant @jamesdeerest @fortheloveoflamp @operation-spot @asianravenpuff @whovianayesha @ultrunning @nowheredreamer @honestlyjustwow @badwolf-212 (for some reason i can never tag you properly :( )

#fic: Adore You #poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagine #reader insert #star wars #mads fics #hallmark au #oscar isaac

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swiftgronmasterpost · 4 years ago

Text

Glee Live Tour Part 4 - The ShirtGate Essay Dianna published to the felldowntherabbithole Tumblr

Inserting a cut because this thing is long

or skip Dianna’s gay panic and click here to keep reading the masterpost!

June 2, 2000

What does that day, month and year mean to you? President Bill Clinton used that particular day to declare ”Gay and Lesbian Pride Month”. Nine years later, on June 1st, President Barack Obama spoke to incorporate an even wider group. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered citizens alike could all have this month for recognition, respect and appreciation. However, I am aware that not all minds meet equally about the rights and respect that we should pay to others. As each generation leaves their footprints, and paves the way for what is to come…to some, change is an impossible idea or action to put in motion.

You know what? Often, this unfortunate reality is because of learned behavior! As much as we may often preach that we like to speak for ourselves, or outside the box, how many times have you caught yourself, or someone you know repeating the thoughts of another before them? Sometimes without proper information? And how many times have you felt that perhaps further knowledge on an issue or subject matter might result in a different voice, a different understanding? Perhaps even going against the ideas they’ve learned, heard, or grown up around? We have the ability to fly planes, send astronauts into space, develop technology such as cellphones! Things that once were unfathomable. I can sit at this small computer and type this message. Once I push send, this message can be seen by anyone who’d like to engage, all across the WORLD.

As many of you know, we (the Glee cast) have been storming the country at whirlwind speeds to put on a forty-two show, month-long tour. It has been a constant reminder of why we do this. We’ve witnessed the impact our show has had, from the very beginning, to these moments, three years later. You LOVELY & AMAZING fans! Just indescribable. The love, affirmation, and dedication you provide! We see it all, value it all. Trust me, we do! On stage, the excitement that we absorb from your ball of energy brings our adrenaline levels to highs that often-times, we aren’t sure we can reach. Bottom line, we love you guys. And our crew! Without this diverse group of hard-working people, this venture would be impossible.

Yesterday was June 11th, and we were tackling our newest location, Toronto! We had finished our first concert of the day, and I was about to take a moment to relax before the second. On the way to our dressing rooms, I passed a stack of shirts lined up on the merchandise tables. The white T’s were modeled after shirts we wore in a performance set to Lady Gaga’s, “Born This Way.” This sparked an idea. And that idea ended up on stage.

Kindness moves mountains. Acceptance opens doors, makes room for change, diffuses misunderstanding. Every day, people commit hate crimes because of misunderstandings. Hate effects the target, and consumes the person behind the gun. It is crazy to realize that we have been in war for almost our entire existence on this planet. Many times for reasons of greed and hate.

Anyone that has experienced the death or abuse of a loved one can tell you that, “IT HURTS BEYOND EXPLANATION!!! AND WE SHOULD DO EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO MAKE ANY CHANGE POSSIBLE.” Raise your hand if you’ve spent nights crying yourself to sleep, raise your hand if you’ve felt as if you’d rather hide in bed all day than face the people that make you feel small or powerless! Raise your hand if you’ve felt as if you’d rather lie to people than tell them the truth about who you really are, because at least you wouldn’t be the victim of hateful behavior or prejudice! And raise your hand if lying feels almost as bad.

I was not raised in a family that accepted prejudice or hatred. For that, I thank my Mom and Dad each and every day. Look, we are human, we make mistakes. I will gladly shout from the rooftops that I AM NOT PERFECT. Nor will I ever be. But I can happily say that to my knowledge, I do not ever intentionally cause people pain. I love my family, my friends, my co-workers…and they all consist of girls AND boys. I do tell them that I love them. Yesterday, during our second show, Instead of wearing my usual shirt during “Born This Way” I decided to wear one that said “Likes Girls”. It should actually have read, “Loves Girls”, because I do. The women in my life give me things that the men in my life can’t. And vice-versa. No, I am not a lesbian, yet if I were, I hope that the people in my life could embrace it whole-heartedly. And let me tell you, I can easily spill (quite comfortably) what I admire, respect and think is beautiful about any of the women in my life. Piece of cake!

Last night, I wanted to do something to show my respect and love for the GLBT community. Support that people could actually see. Which is why I decided to change my shirt for the show. I happened to read a few comments that were posted on twitter. Many of you asked, “why?” This is my response. I am not asking for you to agree with what I am saying, but if you are listening, thank you. That is all I can ask. And a step further would be to take a moment to (honestly) answer the questions that I have raised. We can’t always put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. But we can try.

I am lucky to live in a place where I can wear almost anything that I want to express myself, and that jail is not a probable consequence. Which makes me feel as if I should exercise my right to do so every now and then. Think of the people that have died because of their passion and heartfelt hopes of change? So many good men and women. All because of an inherent wish for tolerance, love and support.

Our show celebrates the GLBT community. We are proud to be a part of something that embraces an often avoided topic. Hate is terrible, especially when we pass it down to a new generation of innocents. Recently, I heard a lament about San Francisco. How SFO just didn’t sound like a fun place to be, or visit, because that person wasn’t gay. Wait, really???? I wanted to laugh! But that would have been a response that wouldn’t have encouraged that person to be open-minded. To see that perhaps, their statement was foolish? Why won’t San Francisco be fun for you? Do you think the whole city is gay? Do you think they will judge you? Won’t feed you good food? Perhaps they won’t let you have fun, the way THEY have fun?

Sadly, we’ve gotten letters from people who explain that they love the show but hate the gay story-lines. That we shouldn’t be polluting their children’s heads. To this I’d sometimes like to sarcastically reply, would you also like us to tell them that a stork is dropping off our offspring? That the sky is purple? That it is not practical to be true to yourself, because there are mean people in this world that will make them feel wrong for being honest? That instead of embracing themselves, they should lie to the world? THEY should be the ones being untrue and unhappy?

I believe that if you are bringing a child into the world, you should be willing to accept them in any reality. Whether they are Black, White, Asian, have four fingers, are disabled, gay….that the only wish should be for a happy and healthy baby. We are each other’s children. Unless someone has committed a violent or hateful act, why should we judge? We can so quickly resort to anger, often, the product of a whole other issue. Most often, an issue with our own self.

I understand that I am sitting behind the protection of this computer screen, in this hotel room, and to many I might sound “preachy”. Especially now that I have written an essay. I hope my intentions sound pure, and just. I speak, because I am passionate. I write with this passion because I know how it feels to be hurt, to be depressed, to not value yourself, or your feelings. If any of this has inspired or moved you, even just made you think….I encourage you to tweet or reblog a picture, quote, anything that you feel will continue to spread the love. And if any are interested in tracking the chain, perhaps visualizing the greater collective, include the hatch tag, #letlovein.

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. - C.S. Lewis

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu

Fortune and love favor the brave. - Ovid

AND remember that sometimes….

People need loving the most when they deserve it the least. - John Harrigan

To thine own heart be true. Many thanks for your time, your love, and the gift you’ve given me.

Sincerely,

Dianna Elise Agron

Click here to keep reading!

#shirtgate #essay #2011

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justbecausewhynot · 4 years ago

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Azriel: Fluff Alphabet

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Azriel loves his chest. As weird as that sounds, he loves when you lay your head on it and how you always listen to his heartbeat.

He loves your face. The expressions you make when you’re sleeping, kissing your cheeks and forehead, he loves it all. He especially loves it when you stare at him and when he stares at you.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

Azriel eventually wants kids, but at the moment, just wants you to himself for a bit. Because of his childhood, he wants to prove that he can do better than what he was put through and make sure he is ready when it does happen. The thought of being that responsible for someone secretly scares him. He just wants to be the best dad possible and give his children the best life he can. On the other hand, the thought of you as a mother is perfect and he knows that you will make an amazing mom. Inside, Azriel is still worried that you wouldn’t want to have that sort of commitment to him, but eventually accepts that you feel the same that he does about you.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Azriel loves to be the big spoon and wrap you within his enormous wings. The two of you are so drastically different in size, when he holds you, your entire body is covered. Though he would never admit it to anyone, he also loves it when you just lay your head on his chest and hold him.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Azriel always tries to do the most for dates in a personal sense. Something simple but at the same time very romantic. Aside from the frequent dinners on the roof or trips to different restaurants in velaris, Azriel plans different adventures and events for just the two of you. Whether it be picnics in the park under a willow tree with a full course meal and wine, or star gazing on the top of a mountain laying on a blanket, he always comes up with something new and elaborate.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

You are the flame to my shadows

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

Azriel instantly felt a deep connection with you the first time he saw you. Being the shy boi he is, whenever he would see you, he would feel amazing but tried to keep his cool and stay level headed. While talking or spending time with him, his feelings towards you became more and more strong, but he was unsure if you felt the same. The first time you kissed and the mating bond snapped into place, he knew he loved you.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Azriel is the most gentle it is possible to be. He always puts you first and makes sure you are always comfortable, happy and well. By constantly checking in and simple shows of affection throughout the day, he shows his soft side.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Azriel likes to hold your hand in his or on his lap whenever you are sitting or lounging. When you are walking, he stands close to you but doesn't hold your hand as much. Instead he sometimes holds you by the waist and spreads his wings a little farther so that they will cover your body.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

The first time he saw you, Azriel thought you were the most beautiful person, inside and out. He saw that you were kind hearted as well as a picture of poise and elegance.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Azriel gets jealous when anyone looks at you, he knows you would never do anything to hurt him, but he still stiffens at the thought of anyone else wanting you. He also gets frustrated when Cassian flirts with you. You will often play back and pretend to be madly in love with the illyrian until it gets too much for Azriel and he takes you away playfully while you laugh with Cassian.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

Azriel likes to take long and soft kisses, often exploring your face and neck in the process.He also loves small cheek, forehead and nose kisses, either giving or receiving. He made the first move after you had been talking for a bit and the mating bond was so close to snapping in place, he could almost feel it push the two of you together. Thankfully, you kissed back, and instantly knew the two of you were mates.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Even though the mating bond was in place, Azriel was still scared about your feelings. He didn’t want to say anything too soon in case you didn’t feel the same, so you ended up saying it first. Once you did, he immediately said it back and was enormously happy.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

His favourite memory with you was when you went on a walk around a scenic park at dusk and it started pouring rain while you were out. Both your clothes got drenched before he had the chance to get you out of the storm, and it was too late when he was ready to. There was constant lightning filling the sky, and it would be dangerous to fly. The two of you ran hand in hand to a large tree on the side of the path and took shelter before winnowing back to your house.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Azriel knows you don’t need or want expensive things, so instead he chooses more thoughtful and personal things to give you. Unable to help it, with his enormous wealth, he still buys you the occasional gift just because.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Light dusty pink reminds Azriel of you. You are so kind and heartfelt, he thinks the colour suits you perfectly. It goes so well with the Night court’s signature navy blue and the dynamic of the two colours describes your relationship perfectly.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

Azriel will call you dear and love, but doesn’t go for the sickeningly sweet pet names unless he wants something from you or is being ironic. Then he opts for goddess divine or honey bun.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

Azriel loves reading with you. He loves to read and you being there makes it so much better. Sometimes you will play with his hair or he will mindlessly draw circles on your hand. Even though it is silent the whole time, it is perfect just to have you near while you both enjoy something you like.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

On rainy days, when the two of you are free, Azriel will often prepare an indoor date for just the two of you. Things like preparing a fancy dinner and dessert together and eating it in your finest cutlery, wearing a ball gown with jewelry and him a suit. Or setting up a blanket and picnic food on the porch while it pours just a few feet away. Rainy Days are like breaks from your everyday life when you can just calm down and relax with Azriel.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

When Azriel is upset, you will always make him feel better. Though he never explicitly states he is upset, you can always tell by how he doesn’t talk much and just wants to be with you. When you are sad, you do the same, but Azriel always wants to know what the problem is and instantly tries to fix it once you have calmed down.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

The two of you love to dream about your future and picture how things will be. The details can get so specific, from talking about what colour your room will be to baby names. Every so often, when the mood is right, Azriel talks about his past and family, and you about yours, but your conversations tend to be light and positive.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Whenever Azriel is uptight or upset, you instantly make him feel better, but when he can’t get to you, or you are busy, he reads.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Azriel is not the sort of person to boast about things, but when he is with the inner circle, the topic of his wingspan sometimes comes up. Instead of defending himself for everything, you often will say something in his place, though sometimes backhandedly slapping him which makes everyone laugh.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

Azriel proposes after you find out he is your mate. He waits until starfall and after everyone has resigned from dancing and drinking, he takes you to go star-watching on the top of the mountain and proposes at the height of the brightness.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

You and Azriel listen to classical music all the time, but the carnival of animals: The swan really reminds you of the other.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Azriel knew he wanted to marry you once the mating bond clicked into place. Before that he was very unsure about your feelings and what your relationship was, but once it happened, he knew.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Azriel would want something that could watch you and protect you when he was out on missions. Though he knows you are entirely capable of taking care of yourself, he still worries over you and wants to always be ready for anything.

Tag List (open, send me a message if u want in)

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#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #sjm #azriel #rhysand #azriel x reader #feyre #cassian #fluff

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agentsofsupernaturalmarvel · 5 years ago

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Bruises and Forgotten Lunches // Joshua Bassett

IN WHICH: Tim Federle, creator of High School Musical: The Musical: The Series, forgets his lunch and has his niece bring it to him. On leave/vacation from work she meets the cast at lunch and departs after. Only someone doesn’t want to not see her again.

Characters: Reader x Joshua Bassett, niece!reader x uncle!Tim Federle, Olivia Rodrigo, Larry Saperstein, and Matt Cornett

Words: 1.8k

Warnings: Possible swearing, talk about violence, injuries, kidnapping (is lightly mentioned due to reader’s job), and fluff

A/N: To fit this the minimum age to be an agent is not 23 but instead 20. Just a simple one shot that is not fully edited.

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Masterlist

Being an FBI Agent had you going on cases throughout the United States while you were working out of the field office in Salt Lake City. A recent case you spent with you team ended with you with a concussion and mandatory time off, which sucked since you were the youngest on the team. Supervisor in Chief Charlie had been adamant you not work in the field until you were medically approved to go back.

That led you to drop off your uncle’s lunch at his workplace, which was a place that was tough for you to be near. You wouldn’t have agreed to drop off the forgotten food if you had been informed that Tim’s new job had him on a set at a high school.

“Uncle Tim.” You sighed, finally finding the man sitting in a chair holding a script and pen in his hand. His green eyes meeting the ones that had followed his every move as a kid.

“Hey, Kid!” Tim grinned raising to grab you in his arms, “Your mom texted me about your free time. Are you okay?”

“I got punched in the head by a suspect.” You spoke, “fell onto the cement and woke in a hospital.”

Tim’s face fell at your words, “I had no clue it was that serious. I’m sorry I was working when that happened.”

“It’s okay.” You soothed the older man. Your parents had you when they were in their early twenties completely unplanned but wholly loved by both sides.

Uncle Tim was born after your mother by a few years and in his grade twelve year when his sister brought her long-term boyfriend home. That night involved a lot of screaming and crying when the Federle found out their college student daughter was pregnant. While your parents went through with the pregnancy, obviously, Tim often offered to babysit for free when they had to work. You had a special bond with Tim to this day, he’s like a big brother and a second dad at the same time.

“Do you want to hang around? There’s a snack table to grab food from and have lunch with me.” Tim offered barely glancing at the school, but he didn’t know why schools made you uncomfortable now.

“I’m not sure. You guys look super busy.” You started but failed when Tim shook his head at your words. He motioned to follow him to a set up of long tables under umbrellas in the warm weather, a group of people sat there.

“Guys, this is my niece Y/N. Bean this is the main cast of the show.” Tim spoke, getting the actors to wave and smile, “She was an awesome niece to drop my lunch off.”

Tim yanked you into his arms to lightly rub his knuckles on your head ever so careful with the head injury you received.

“What happened that you got a bruise on your temple?” A tan guy with vivid blue eyes questioned leaning forward in his chair. His plate had a piece of pizza left, but he focused entirely on you.

“Work hazard.”

“Do you box?” A male with bright ginger hair questioned next leading to the others at the table to listen carefully.

Tim snagged a seat to unpack his lunch while listening to you, “I haven’t heard the story either fully.”

“I can’t legally tell you!” You joked to your uncle, “You’ve been saying that since I graduated! I should better introduce myself than he did. I’m Special Agent Y/N Y/L/N with the FBI, this lovely token was given to me by an unsub in a recent investigation.”

“FBI-“

“Guys we should really introduce ourselves.” One of the younger girls spoke with a wry smile, “I’m Olivia, and these nosy nuisances are Josh, Larry, Matt, and Sofia.”

Each of the smiled in response before wanting to finish the rest of the story but were interrupted when Tim pushed half his sandwich over; the same routine since before you could remember.

“I’ve been with the FBI for about a year now and just off my probationary period. Before that, I worked as a cop for a year after graduating high school early.” You gave a vague back history and a few details, “I’ve been fortunate to not have been shot before, other than taking it to the vest which hurts a lot. This is the worst I’ve had with a concussion for someone I was pursuing. I’m on medical leave for a few days.”

“Thank you for doing what you do for us to be safe.” Josh spoke up first mesmerising you with the infectious smile that pulled up slightly more on one side. His brown eyes connecting with yours in a while that floored the group.

“I’ve wanted to serve in terms of justice since I was a kid first as a lawyer, but then my grade five year had a professional day, and a kid’s FBI parent talked to us. That was the reason I decided to join the Academy.” You supplied smiling at the boy, “I’m the youngest on my team.”

“Bean graduated high school at sixteen and went straight into University in that same fall. By nineteen, she was training to be a cop and then raised to successfully join a career that terrifies everyone in the family.”

“Why play an FBI Agent when I could be one in real life?” You playfully winked at your uncle gaining only a chuckle in response, “Well you guys are probably about to start, and I really have to get going. I may be on medical leave, but I have paperwork to do.”

That being said, you left the group to their own devices to call a cab, you weren’t allowed to drive with the concussion. You were surprised when someone called you name and went to tap your shoulder; their hand was yanked and pulled until he was kneeling with his arm held against his back.

“Okay, yup really shouldn’t have tapped an agent’s shoulder.” He coughed relaxing when he’s arm was released from the uncomfortable position, “I’m sorry about that.”

“What can I do for you, Josh?” You questioned the actor with one raised eyebrow that pulled the fading bruise.

“I was wondering if I could have your number?” Josh bashfully questioned struggling to keep eye contact when his cheeks were turning a light pink. You had a feeling he didn’t do this often.

“Just so happens I’m not your assigned FBI agent.” You joked chuckling when his eyes widened, “I’m kidding. We don’t do surveillance on a person for no reason.”

“Oh.” Josh sighed, nodding his head as he tentatively held out his phone for you, “Good to know.”

You chuckled putting your name in for him and sending a swift message to you, so you had his number too. The boy beamed when you got into the cab and practically swayed in the language of love when he closed your door.

Over One Year Later

It was a tough case involving a teenage girl kidnapped with details that made you feel sick with the people that sadly populated the world. You were glad to be home after the week in Montana in your little apartment. Your shoulders were slouched as you shut and locked the door.

“Hey.”

You simply smiled and walked straight into his open arms that you severely needed after the long week. Josh and you had been dating over a little over a year, you officially started dating a month after meeting and constant talking.

“Hi.” You mumbled into his shoulder, leaning back to sniff the air, “Did you make food?”

“Yeah, I tried this new recipe your Mom sent, and I did a good job.” Josh spoke, leaning cheek on your head, “I’m sorry you had a tough week.”

“There was a young girl.” Your voice broke, “We saved her, but Josh, she’s gonna need support after what happened.”

Josh hugged you closer swaying at he did so and the way you loved.

As an FBI Agent, you worked out of the Utah field office in Salt Lake City and served Utah. Along with Utah, you served Idaho, Yellowstone National Park and the recent state you were in Montana. Josh filmed High School Musical: The Musical: The Series for most of the year and lived the other part in California. To save money and with your long hour jobs, he moved in for the filming months.

“Just think in a few weeks we’ll be in Oceanside with our family.” Josh mumbled in your ear, bringing a bright smile to your face.

Your love story was more fast-paced than what was typically expected, but with almost two years together, you both knew. Six months ago, Josh proposed with a heartfelt speech and plan which got your acceptance. Planning a wedding while working full time and with his filming schedule was hard, but you did it.

“I can’t wait to be your wife.” You mumbled leaning back to kiss him.

You never anticipated being married at twenty-two and Josh as twenty-one. Still, it was happening, and you were so excited.

“We still need to talk about if you are going to request a transfer to LA.” Josh spoke, leading you through the apartment to the bedroom. He waited as you placed your gun in your lockbox and changed out of your work clothes into a pair of sweaters and a shirt.

“It depends on where it would work for you.” You spoke smiling as he clasped your hand in his, immediately his thumb ran across your engagement ring. It was a habit he picked up, and you simply adored it.

“Filming for High School Musical is four months out of the year and then promo varying on the amount.” Josh thought it over you both grabbed the dishes to set at the moderately sized table, “Would you be happy?”

“I’m happy wherever you are.” You cheesed at the blushing guy across from you as you both served the meal he made, “We can keep the apartment for when you are here filming too.”

“Good idea.” Josh spoke, “Look at us, adulting.”

“About as adult as you can get when we had a Disney dance party last week.” You joked leaning over the table to share one last kiss before you tabled the talk of the wedding and life beyond to just be with each other at the moment.

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#joshua bassett x reader #ricky bowen x reader #joshua bassett imagines #ricky bowen imagines #hsmtmts imagines #hsmtmts #high school musical: the musical: the series #caitsyandashproductions #fluff #fbi agent

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shiredded · 5 years ago

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A white animation student’s take on Soul and POC cartoons

This got long but there’s lots of pretty pictures to go with it.

Hi, I’m Shire and I’m as white as a ripped-off Pegasus prancing on a stolen van. Feel free to add to my post, especially if you are poc. The next generation of animators needs your voice now more than ever.

My opinion doesn’t matter as much here because I’m not part of the people being represented.

But I am part of the people to whom this film is marketed, and as the market, I think I should be Very Aware of what media does to me.

And as the future of animation, I need to do something with what I know.

I am very white. I have blue eyes and long blond hair. I’ve seen countless protagonists, love interests, moms, and daughters that look like me. If I saw an animated character that looks like me turn into a creature for the majority of a movie, I would cheer. Bring it on! I have plenty of other representation that tells me I’m great just the way I am, and I don’t need to change to be likable.

The moment Soul’s premise was released, many people of color expressed mistrust and disappointment on social media. Let me catch you up on the plot according to the new (march 2020) trailer. (It’s one of those dumb modern trailers that tells you the entire plot of the movie including the climax; so I recommend only watching half of it)

Our protagonist, Joe Gardner, has a rich (not in the monetary sense) and beautiful life. He has dreams! He wants to join a jazz band! So far his life looks, to me, comforting, amazing, heartfelt, and real. I’m excited to learn about his family and his music.

Some Whoknowswhat happens, and he enters a dimension where everyone, himself included, is represented by glowing, blue, vaguely humanoid creatures. They’re adorable! But they sure as heck aren’t brown. The most common response seems to be dread at the idea of the brown human protagonist spending the majority of his screen time as a not-brown, not-human creature.

The latest trailer definitely makes that look pretty darn true. He does spend most of the narrative - chronologically - as a blob.

but

That isn’t the same as his screen time.

From the look of the trailer, Joe and his not-yet-born-but-already-tired-of-life soul companion tour Joe’s story in all of its brown-skinned, human-shaped, life-loving glory. The movie is about life, not about magic beans that sing and dance about burping (though I won’t be surprised if that happens too.)

Basically! My conclusion is “it’s not as bad as it looked at first, and it looks like a wonderful story.”

but

That doesn’t mean it’s ok.

Yes, Soul is probably going to be a really important and heartfelt story about life, the goods, the bads, the dreams, and the bonds. That story uses a fun medium to view that life; using bright, candy-bowl colors and a made-up world to draw kids in with their parents trailing behind.

It’s a great story and there’s no reason to not create a black man for the lead role. There’s no reason not to give this story to people of color. It’s not a white story. This is great!

Except...

we’ve kind of

done this

a lot

The Book of Life and Coco also trade in their brown-skinned cast for a no-skinned cast, but I don’t know enough about Mexican culture to say those are bad and I haven't picked up on much pushback to those. There’s more nuance there, I think.

I cut the above pics together to show how the entire ensemble changes along with the protagonist. We can lose entire casts of poc. Emperor's New Groove keeps its cast as mostly human so at least we have Pacha

And while the animals they interact with might be poc-coded, there’s nothing very special or affirming about “animals of color.”

So, Soul.

Are we looking at the same thing here?

It’s no secret by now that this is an emerging pattern in animation. But not all poc-starring animated films have this same problem. We have Moana! With deuteragonists (basically co-protagonists) of color, heck yeah.

Aladdin... Pocahontas... The respect those films have for their depicted culture is... an essay for another time. Mulan fits here too. the titular characters’ costars are either white, or blue, and/or straight up animals. But hey, they don’t turn into animals, and neither do the supporting cast/love interests.

Dreamworks’ Home (2015) is also worth mentioning as a poc-led film where the deuteragonist is kind of a purple blob. But the thing I like a lot about Home is that it’s A Nice Story, where there’s no reason for the protagonist to not be poc, so she is poc. Spiderverse has a black lead with a white (or masked, or animal) supporting cast. But, spiderverse also has Miles’ dad, mom, uncle, and Penny Parker.

I’d like to see more of that.

And less of this

if you’re still having trouble seeing why this is a big deal, let’s try a little what-if scenario.

This goes out to my fellow white girls (including LGBTA white girls, we are not immune to propaganda racism)

imagine for a second you live in a world where animation is dominated to the point of almost total saturation by protagonist after protagonist who are boys/men. You do get the occasional woman-led film, but maybe pretend that 30 to 40 percent of those films are like

(We’re pretending for a second that Queen Eleanor was the protagonist, because I couldn’t think of any animated movies where the white lady protagonist turns into and stays an animal for the majority of the film)

Or, white boys and men, how would you feel if your most popular and marketable representation was this?

Speaking of gender representation, binary trans and especially nonbinary trans people are hard pressed to find representation of who they are without the added twist of Lizard tails or horns and the hand-waving explanation of “this species doesn’t do gender” But again, that’s a different essay.

Let’s look at what we do have. In reality, we (white people) have so much representation that having a fun twist where we spend most of the movie seeing that person in glimpses between colorful, glittering felt characters that reflect our inner selves is ok.

Wait, that aesthetic sounds kind of familiar...

But I digress. Inside Out was a successful and honestly helpful and important movie. I have no doubt in my mind that Soul will meet and surpass it in quality and and in message.

There is nothing wrong with turning your protagonist of color into an animal or blob for most of their own movie.

But it’s part of a larger pattern, and that pattern tells people of color that their skin would be more fun if it was blue, or hairy, or slimy, or something. It’s fine to have films like that because heck yeah it would be fun to be a llama. But it’s also fun to not be a llama. It’s fun to be a human. It’s fun to be yourself. I don’t think children of color are told that enough.

At least, not by mainstream studios. (The Breadwinner, produced by Cartoon Saloon)

It’s not like all these mainstream poc movies are the result of racist white producers who want us to equate people of color with animals. In fact, most of those movies these days have people of color very high up, as directors, writers, or at the very least, a pool of consultants of color.

These movies aren’t evil. They aren’t even that intrinsically racist (Pocahontas can go take a hike and rethink its life, but we knew that.) It’s that we need more than just the shape-shifting narratives of our non-white protagonists.

It’s not like there isn’t an enormous pool of ideas, talent, visions and scripts already written and waiting to be produced. There is.

But they somehow don’t make it past the head executives, way above any creative team, who make the decisions, aiming not for top-of-the-line stories, but for the Bottom line of sales.

When Disney acquired Pixar, their main takeover was in the merchandising department. The main target for their merchandise are, honestly, white children.

So is it much of a surprise

that they are more often greenlighting things palatable for as many “discerning” mothers as possible?

I saw just as many Tiana dolls as frog toys on the front page of google, so don’t worry too much about The Princess And The Frog. Kids love her. But I didn’t find any human figures of Kenai from Brother Bear, except for dolls wearing a bear suit.

So. What do I think of Soul?

I think it’s going to be beautiful. I think it’s going to be a great movie.

But I also think people of color deserve more.

Let’s take one more look at the top people who went into making this movie.

Of the six people listed here, five are white. Kemp Powers, one of the screenplay writers, is black.

It’s cool to see women reaching power within the animation industry, but this post isn’t about us.

We need to replace the top execs and get more projects greenlit that send the message that african, asian, latinix, middle eastern, and every other non-white ethnicity is perfect and relatable as the humans they were meant to be.

Disney is big enough that they can - and therefore should - take risks and produce movies that aren’t as “marketable” simply because art needs to be made. People need to be loved.

Come on, millennials and Gen Z. We can do better.

We Will do better.

TLDR: A lot of mainstream animation turns its protagonists of color into animals or other creatures. I (white) don’t think that’s a bad thing, except for the fact that we don’t get enough poc movies that AREN’T weird. Support Soul; it’s not going to be as bad as you think. It’s probably gonna be really good. Let’s make more good movies about people of color that stay PEOPLE of color.

#soul #pixar #disney #poc #animation #long post #shire screams

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goodnewforall · 4 years ago

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My grandfather passed away Thursday morning. Now before you stop reading because you think I'm going to get all sappy and get boring don't. I'm not really a sappy person. I don’t really like sharing my feelings with people. That’s why I find it easier to write it down. I just like the truth. And this is the truth. This is more for me not you. You can read if you want. I’d really like you to. But if you don’t that’s ok to.

I remember when my Dad told me I was in literal shock. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. He had been suffering for some time. When they found out he had cancer it was way too late. They tried to offer him chemotherapy but my Pop pop refused. When they asked him why all he said was God willing. God willing. I remember thinking what does that even mean? When I asked my Dad he said basically that Pop pop thinks that it’s a sign from God that it’s time to come home. I remember thinking why? Why didn’t he do chemo? Why did he give up so easily? Why? I was so wrapped around my own feelings that I completely forgot Pop pops. He had lived on this ungodly world for 78 years. He had seen it all. In the words of the Bible, he had fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith. But I couldn’t help thinking could I have done more? Did he know I loved him up until the very end? Questions like these kept spiraling through my head.

My family had gone up a couple of weeks ago to visit him over in West Virginia. My parents had told us on the way over that this would probably be the last time we saw Pop pop. We didn’t waste a minute of it. We laughed and told stories. Went out to eat and took walks. Although we had gone up before Pop pop had gotten admitted to a wheelchair and a breathing tube, it was still obvious that he was fading. He’d stay stuff like that. Not much longer now. It’s coming to an end. I’m going home soon. And those words always made me nervous. He was going to die. It was obvious. I remember right before we left I hugged him. It was a bittersweet hug. He had wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tight and I said I love you Pop pop. He waited a minute still holding onto me before he said I love too. And that was it. My family later FaceTimed him and technically that was our last goodbye to him. But that hug felt final. As in the next time we meet we’ll be in eternity. My Uncle Doug, Aunt Denise, and my Cousin Derek all went up to visit him a couple of weeks ago and when I saw the photo they had took of him he did not look good. He was wheelchair-bound and had a breathing tube. He had lost a lot of weight and just looked so tired.

We all thought it wouldn’t be long now. Except it was. About 3 weeks. Finally, his second wife (yes I have 3 Grandmas who I love all very dearly and yes it’s awesome) called my Mom and told her that for some reason he was holding on. Like he was waiting for closure in something. My Mom immediately said that it was probably my Nana. They hadn’t really ever gotten along really well and maybe he just needed to say sorry. We don’t know what they said to each other on that phone call but whatever it was my Pop pop must have been at peace.

The next morning my Ya ya (his second wife) called to tell us that he had passed away. When I found out I was at a loss for words. Ella and I got into a really big fight. It was over something really small and stupid but our emotions were very high. We both aren’t very good at expressing our emotions so they were kinda bottled up inside us. I went to my room, slammed the door, went into my closet, and started crying. The sad part for me though wasn’t exactly that he died, but it was that I had meant to send Ya ya a message to tell Pop pop. Sorta like a final heartfelt goodbye. But I had forgotten. I felt so awful. I wanted him to know so badly that I loved him. I struggled with this silently for two days. That maybe I could have hugged him tighter. Maybe I could have said I love you more. Maybe maybe maybe. But as I’m writing this I’m coming to terms with the fact that he knew I loved him. He knew. I’ll always miss him and love him. In fact he knows right now. He’s looking down on me and smiling because he knows that I know. I’ve finally properly grieved his death. So as a final farewell I’m writing what I wanted to send to Pop pop.

I’ve never really been very good at expressing my feelings through talking. So for this, I’m turning to words. I’ll always remember your big bear hugs. How when I was little you’d scoop me up and sit me on your lap. The way your face got all happy and crinkly when you laughed. How almost every summer you took use to see a new Sight & Sound show. How you’d never waste a minute to tell people about Billy Graham and how he’s one of the best preachers who ever lived. Those happy moments I’ll always remember. You fought so bravely Pop pop, till the very end. I’m still wrapping my mind around the fact that you're in paradise right now. That you're probably laughing with Papa and Mama. How when you left your earthly home, Jesus was waiting there to tell you to welcome home and give you a bigger hug than you could have ever given me. I’ll always love and miss you Pop pop. I can’t wait until we meet again.

#Going home #Eternity #Goodbye for now #I'll love you always

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chilling-seavey · 4 years ago

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AN ANGRY PAPA D PLEASE

Thank you for this incredibly heartfelt and literary ask, my sweet Jocelyn. Always coming in clutch in the middle of our late-night conversations LOL Anyway, for those who don’t know, we were talking about that little part in Clementine’s character profile where it mentioned that one time she couldn’t charm her way out of her father’s anger… this is that story 😳

Clementine went through a bit of a phase when she was fourteen where she really knew her way around getting in trouble, especially around her father. As mentioned in her character profile, to Daniel it felt like Clementine could do no wrong as all she had to do was bat her baby blues up at him and she was forgiven. That only lasted so long, however. It was a warm September evening and Clementine had planned to go to the mall with a few friends from school where they would grab dinner together and do some shopping and hang out.

Daniel and Florence permitted her to take the subway with her friends to the mall after a bit of a discussion on safety and being aware of your surroundings, especially in the city come nightfall. She was only fourteen after all and had just started her first year of high school, but as she grew up, Daniel and Florence knew they needed to start to give her a bit of independence. She of course had her cell phone that she had received for her thirteenth birthday the year before and her parents made her promise to answer it if they called and for her to text them when she was off the subway or heading home again.

Things were going fine, Daniel received a text when she arrived to the mall as promised and they let her have her evening out. Back at home, the rest of the family ate dinner together and Penelope and Lucy worked on a bit of homework afterwards before watching a show together before bed. As the evening continued, Florence and Daniel hadn’t heard from Clementine since she had arrived at the mall and it was already approaching 9:00 – the time at which the mall was supposed to close.

Daniel sent his daughter a quick text to ask if everything was okay and he got back a quick response of ‘Yep. Leaving soon!’, but it was sent with text message rather than iMessage which meant she wasn’t in a Wi-Fi zone. Daniel and Florence grew increasingly worried as the time went by and soon Penelope and Lucy were both in bed and there was still no sign of Clementine and it was nearing 10:00 and she had stopped replied to any texts and their calls were going to voicemail.

“I’m this fucking close to calling the cops.” Daniel said as he paced the living room, his phone in hand and his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Florence stood in the doorway between the foyer and the living room with her arms crossed over her chest and she was biting hard on her bottom lip, watching her husband pace anxiously.

“I’m scared, Dani. Where is she?” Florence breathed shakily.

“I don’t know. Should we call the cops? I don’t want to jump to conclusions but she’s not answering. I swear to fuck if she gets home in one piece, she’s never leaving this building ever again.”

“Maybe give it fifteen more minutes and then we’ll call.” Florence suggested, walking across the room to look out the window as if she could see anything going on along the street from fifty-six floors up.

It was exactly 10:00 when the front door opened, only moments later, and the parents let out a breath of relief before their anger was overpowering their thankfulness of their daughter’s safety. Clementine rushed inside and kicked off her shoes, breathlessly stopping in the doorway to the living room to see two pairs of eyes glaring at her.

“Sorry I’m late. I’ll get right to bed.” she said quickly and started to turn down the hallway.

“Not so fast, young lady.” Daniel called; his voice stone cold enough that it made Clementine stop in her tracks before turning back slowly, her backpack still draped over one shoulder and she tightened her hand around the strap. “Where were you tonight?”

“The mall.” Clementine frowned, glancing between her father and his crossed arms and serious glare and her mother who was stood slightly behind him silently.

“The mall closed an hour ago. Where did you go after?”

“We just hung out.” Clementine shrugged. “But I’m back now so no need to worry.”

“Hung out where?” Daniel tried again.

“Dad, relax.” Clementine scoffed. “We just hung out at the park.”

“Which park?”

“Oh my God, enough questions. I’m sorry, okay?”

“Which park, Clementine?”

“High Park.”

“You went all the way to the west end alone?” Daniel gaped. “At night?”

“We were safe and I’m home now, so you don’t need to worry.” Clementine said.

“We almost called the police to send out a search party because you stopped answering us-”

“I couldn’t answer you because I don’t get signal on the subway!”

“Don’t cut me off.”

Daniel’s sudden volume made her take a small step back in surprise.

“You promised us that you would tell us where you were at all times and you completely broke our trust. You are not old enough to be going around the city wherever you want, do you not understand that?”

“It was just the park! We weren’t doing anything bad!”

“You did! You lied to us!”

“You’re treating me like a child!”

“Because you are still a child, Clementine! You’re only fourteen! We don’t have to let you out of this building if we don’t trust you, which, now, won’t be for a long time.”

“Dad!”

“Give me your phone.”

“Dad, come on. Mom!” Clementine turned to Florence.

“Don’t talk to her. She’s not going to help you here.” Daniel snapped. “You have worried your mother enough tonight. Give me your phone.”

“You’re so fucking dramatic.” Clementine grumbled, pulling her phone out of her pocket and trudged over to smack it into his open hand.

“You better watch your language, young lady.” Daniel scolded.

Clementine only rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest as she glared up at her father in front of her, “Is that it?”

“I don’t know where your disgusting attitude is coming from, but you better knock it off fast.” Daniel said sharply. “Your mother and I deserve an apology.”

“For what?”

“You’re smart enough to know exactly for what.”

Clementine finally pulled her pout up at him, “I was just having fun with my new friends, Daddy.”

“We’re not doing this, Clementine; you’re not sweet talking your way out of this one.”

She pouted deeper, now with frustration, her shoulders slouching.

“Now get to bed. We’ll be expecting an apology in the morning.”

“And if I don’t?”

Daniel narrowed his eyes at her, “You don’t want to know.”

“You only say that because you don’t have a punishment.” Clementine tried.

“You really like testing your luck, don’t you? Consider yourself grounded for two weeks.”

“Grounded?! That’s not fair! All because I went to a park instead of the stupid mall? I couldn’t text you on the subway so it’s not my fault!”

“Four.” Daniel retorted.

“Are you kidding me?! God! I should have just never come home!” Clementine shouted.

“Then make it six.” Daniel snapped back.

“Dad! The school dance is in five weeks! This isn’t fair!”

“And you won’t be going. Keep talking to me like this and you’ll be pushing eight weeks here, Clementine Ophelia.”

“Ugh! Whatever!” Clementine turned on her heel and stomped down the hallway to her room and slammed the door behind her.

Daniel let out a long, frustrated breath and raked both hands through his hair before turning to Florence who was still standing nearby having watched the entire argument.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Daniel grumbled, shuffling himself into Florence’s open arms and she rubbed a hand over his back as he buried his face in her neck. She could feel the angry heat from his cheeks against her skin and he was shaking a little, clinging onto her tighter as he tried to calm himself down.

“You did well.” Florence whispered, pressing a kiss to his head. “I know that was hard for you.”

“I can’t do this three times over.” Daniel breathed. “They’re all going to be teenagers at the same time…we’re doomed when that times comes. The entire building might combust.”

Florence only laughed lightly and pulled him back from her to look at him, holding his face in her hands, “I’ll make us some tea to calm down, okay?”

“Okay.” Daniel breathed, welcoming her quick kiss to his lips. “I’m glad I have you.”

#daniel seavey #daniel seavey imagines #why dont we #why dont we imagines #anything but mine

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imagines-forthe-soul · 5 years ago

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Benimaru Shinmon Headcanons no one asked for

Not a single damn one of you asked for this but I shall curse you with these headcanons I have for him.

Shinmon Benimaru:

Relationship headcanons:

It may not seem like it but he is a very affectionate man, though not in the traditional sense. He craves affection and attention and when he wants it, he’ll just sit himself beside you and put your hand on his face or rub his shoulder against yours until you realize what it is he’s asking for. When you finally realize, he’ll want you to caress his face, give him a kiss or two, cuddle up to him, sit on his lap, honestly just about anything as long as you’re showing him some sweet affection.

You know how he only really smiles when he’s drunk? Well, my love, call yourself 10 shots of vodka because he’s always smiling around you. They’re not as big as his drunk smiles, but they are 15 times more genuine and heartfelt when he smiles are for you. His smiles for you happen randomly too and you’ll never know what exactly will make him smile. One day you could have breadcrumbs on your face and he’ll smile at you for being cute or maybe you’re mad at him and yelling at him and he’ll smile at you for being so strong and passionate. However, he smiles the most when sees you sleeping. He just loves seeing your peaceful resting face as you sleep, so content and cute all curled up within the sheets. Depending on the type of sleeper you are, he might even laugh lightly at the position you’re sleeping in.

He’s a very caring boyfriend. He wants to know how your day has been and how you’ve been doing. He’ll usually come ask you personally but if he doesn’t have the time or isn’t around you, he will send you a message or ask someone to deliver a letter to you (he is very keen on writing and sending letters. He thinks they’re better than texting but he isn’t opposed to doing the latter). If he has been away from you for a long time, he will send you a care package full of the things he knows you love as well as things he has seen on his trip that remind him of you. You’ll get chocolates, candies, some pastries, weird snacks he wants you to try, some dried meat, along with some cool souvenirs he picked up in the area he is in. He’ll also add in a few necessities like toothpaste, pads/tampons, eye drops, and other things he thinks you could use. He just wants to make sure that you know he is still thinking about you even though he is a distance away.

Kids are extremely drawn to Beni-chan and he is extremely drawn to kids. Even though he tends to call them brats, he loves the little hellions. Seeing them run around and play and make up stories and games puts him at peace. If he isn’t too busy, he’ll play along with them and invite you to come play as well. You two could spend hours upon hours just playing with the kids, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Sometimes he’ll take a break from playing just to watch you with the kids. He hopes you like kids just as much as he does and want some of your own because he wants a literal farm of kids when he’s a bit older.

You become the mom of the 7th Brigade and you’ll just have to accept that. Everyone in the 7th looks up to you and they usually come to you for advice and guidance on things. You get invited to most of the dinners and parties that go around in the 7th and people tend to care and look out for you quite a bit during said parties and dinners. They want to protect you just as much as you want to protect them. Especially Konro. He acts as your personal body-gaurd and quite literally protects you from everything.

Please take baths with him. Baths are Beni-chan’s favorite way to relax and ease the soreness of his muscles after a hard day of training and rebuilding homes. It would mean the world to him if you joined him every so often to just relax in the warm water and keep him company. He’ll want you to sit on his lap and rest your head against his shoulder so that he can wrap his arms around you waist and keep you close to him as you both soak in the water. Every so often, he will ask you if you’d like him to wash some part of you, starting with your back, to your hair, to your arms. Even he likes a good soak, he still wants to be clean and would absolutely love it if you return the favor. Just be warned though, he will fall asleep if you wash his hair. The feeling of your fingers combing through his hair and massaging his scalp relaxes him so much that he can’t help but fall asleep into your touch.

Also please encourage and support this gloomy bean. He has points where he doesn’t feel good enough to be in charge of the 7th Brigade and is disappointed in himself for not being the captain the 7th needs. You’ll have to encourage him and tell him that he has done wonders for the 7th. He is what made the 7th the most powerful and strongest Brigade and everyone loves and looks up to him for it. Remind him that he doesn’t have to be the best or the strongest himself, but that his actions and his sacrifices and his love for the 7th are what makes him such a great captain.

NSFW:

Doesn’t have a very high sex drive. His mind is usually always on his work and training so he doesn’t really have time to think about having sex. By the time he comes home he is usually too tired to do anything but eat, bathe, and prepare for bed. It is only on rare occasions, when his day has been more on the tamer side than usual, does he get in the mood to have sex.

Let’s you take the lead more so than himself. He is a little on the lazy side when it comes to sex and would rather have you on top working yourself on him rather than him on top and doing the majority of the work. Now, with this said, let me make it clear that he doesn’t just lay there and let you go crazy. He is active and likes to have his hands on your hips and thrusts up into you to meet your movements. How fast and rough you two are during sex is completely up to you and he has no problem accommodating to your needs and what you want.

However, despite his laziness, he tends to be very affectionate during sex. When he sees a chance to do so, he will litter kisses all over you neck and shoulders, caress your cheeks and smooth down your hair when having sex. He wants you to be aware of his affection he has for you, not simply just the lust he is feeling now. He’ll even hold you in his arms if he gets the chance, slowly and lovingly thrusting into you as he holds you close, head nestled between your neck and shoulder.

Not sure if it qualifies as a kink but he needs to make eye contact with you and hold it during sex. Nothing is sexier to him than looking you in your eyes as you both make love to each other. When he does this, it’s like connecting and becoming one with your soul and it makes him so hot inside knowing that he is the only person that shared this kind of connection with you.

He isn’t all that interested in trying out new positions, but the ones that he loves are:

The Lazy dog:- This position requires the man to be on top with the woman on their stomach beneath him. It’s a super intimate position that allows for a lot of kissing, touching, and plenty of good penetration. He loves this position because he’s able to be as close to you as possible while he is thrusting. He wants to be able to have easy access to your lips and neck to litter them with kisses and access to your hips so that he can grab onto them when he’s in motion.

Cowgirl:- We all know what the cowgirl position and how hot it is. He loves this position since it gives you a turn to be in complete control of the pace. Seeing you work yourself on his cock as he lays back and watches is a huge turn on for him. He likes to know that you are capable of giving yourself pleasure on him like this, controlling the pace and how hard you go. Not to mention that he has pretty good access to your hips, letting him hold onto them when the pleasure gets too much for him.

#benimaru shinmon #fire force #fire force imagines #shinmon benimaru

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xsecretblastsx · 4 years ago

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1x12 - School lies

I’m back! It wasn’t my intention to take so long between the last recap and this one, but long story short, I was sans computer for a few days, and doing these on my phone is no fun.

So anyway here we go. Recap after the break.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

That looks like the most unpractical key ever

Nothing gives more the idea that this a party of super rich kids than the fact that they’re drinking in martini glasses, and not red plastic cups

Refreshing to see Nate being the one chasing after Blair, and I know she’s not avoiding him of her own volition, but he deserves it anyway.

Not that it wasn’t obvious but it suprised me that Chuck actually admits to Blair that the sight of her and Nate make his stomach turns.

I love Serena’s bathing suit

Someone should have told Dan that is annoying he keeps taking Vanessa to all these parties she isn’t actually invited to. 🙄

Gotta give it to the headmistress if she actually thought she could expell 2/3 of the Junior class

Blair’s rant with the headmistress is hilarious, it also sounds like the plot of a coming episode, about being innocent and then doing the stupind thing someone and the doing the stupid thing with someone else and pretend she have never do the stupid thing before

Nate and his heartfelt letter to Blair, aww. Poor Chuck, still plotting, still getting nowhere, and I can´t help but feel a bit bad for him every time Nate makes an insinuation about his night with Blair, he ain’t pulling that indiferent face very well.

Sorry Rufus, but I kind of agree with Lilly on this one, he did send her mixed messages.

Seriously Dan stop taking Vanessa everywhere.

You can always count with Chuck to tell it like it is, though I do feel for Dan here, mostly because I can relate a bit, private school ain’t easy when you’re not part of the rich kids group.

Dan is so frustrating because even when I agree with him on principle he the way he says things to Serena, always trying to make her feel bad for being from “that wordl” annoys the hell out of me

For all Vanessa’s morals that was invasion of privacy, no but really how easier everyone’s lives would have been if Serena hadn’t met Dan Humphrey.. or more exactly if he hadn’t met her.

Vanessa telling Chuck that he’s sick, and yet she still takes the money. The sad fact of life that we can all have our morals, and yet money is still money.

Dan and Serena really did have a variation of this conversation time and time again, it’s so tiring. Like the particulars may change but at the crux of the argument there’s always the same thing. 😪

Blair calling what Nate did the most romantic thing someone has ever done for her... I don’t even know what to say.

I feel really bad for Serena, because I just can’t help thinking how crappy every guy in her life must have been to really believe that Dan Humphrey is the best thing that ever happened to her, and a bit worrisome that she believes he’s the most important thing in her life.

For all her faults Lily does loves her children.

Nice Vanessa, you still preached and acted all morally superior, but that was nice.

I’ve always loved the scene between Blair and Vanessa in the cafe, it’s one of those moments I actually like Vanessa, and I love Blair reluctantly doing nice things for others. Also that was a good joke on Chuck

Yes Serena! he’s making it and upstairs downstairs thing, he always does, he always will.

And so the first death of Rufly in favor of Derena on this show.

Nair is back on again... for now.

So, I actually ended up liking this episode more than I thought I would. It’s one of those episodes that I looked back as filler episodes, with a typical high shcool drama plot, and yet there are some interesting bits here. On this rewatch I realized that this is a very Serena episode. Sure it’s focused mainly on her relationship with Dan, and I’m not a fan of the show making it like a big part of the reason Serena leave behind her wild ways was because of Dan, while in reality that was something she had decided to do for her self and she deserves recognition for that.

That being said is true that Dan was a big influence on her, and sometimes that’s good and sometimes not so much, it’s good to have someone that inspire us, that encourages us to be the better version of ouserlves, and Serena sees Dan that way, and it’s positive for the most part, the sad part is that he laces it with a dosis of judgment and he always frames it as if she should be ashamed of having a privileged life, among other things. This episode is very telling in this dynamic and also the importance Serena has gave to the presecen of Dan in her life, and seeing her talking to her mom about it is such an emotional moment for many reasons. It lowkey let us know how damaged Serena really is, and how love has been really lacking in her life.

She clings to Dan because all of her life she had been gettin attention, being loved and adored, for all the wrong reasons, for very superficial reasons, and for her Dan is the person that really sees her, he wants to be with her because he likes her, the Serena that’s an actual person, the Serena that can be this amazing person, the better version of Serena. She was starving for that kind of understanding, so much that she gives him the center place of her life, and she wants it to last forever, because with Dan she feels her life is better, she’s better. There’s of course a lot of red sings on this way of thinking, she stil hasn’t learned how difficutl it really is to live to the expectations of Dan and the pedestal he puts her. But this makes it easier to understand why despite everything that happened later, she still sees Dan this way, and the way she feels here is why she sees this period with rosed tinted glasses later all.

Going back to her scene with Lily, I’ve always seen people calling her selfish for this, for telling her mom to pick Bart over Rufus, and yes it’s inherently selfish, but also again very telling of how her mother’s love life and how incosistent it made their lives really affected her, and Lily understands this, and that’s why she agrees to marry Bart, because she realizes how much she hurt her children, how Serena seems to be finally happy and in a positive way no less, and she owes it to them, and that’s why she sets her own happiness aside, because she had put it above her children for so long, and I’m glad she did, and it also was a moment of personal growth for her, and most likely I don’t think Rufly would have made it very far here, they weren’t ready yet it was too soon, and on a more selfish level the union of Bart and Lilly was the birth of another relationship I love a lot on this show. So thanks Serena.

And last bot not least this episode brings Nair back, the triangle between Nate - Blair - Chuck gets all set up for the next week episode, so I really won’t get into it now, just felt like mentioning that it was actuall nice seeing Nate put the effort for once, he’s a simply guy, a very typical guy in fact the kind that likes the girl when she doesn’t like him back, yet I felt for Blair getting the love, attention and romantic gestures she always wanted from Nate, and I’m glad she got it, it was after all the dream she had for them growing up. Their relationship is doomed obviously, even if Nate never find out about Blair’s affair with Chuck, the fact was they were getting back together for reasons that weren’t sustainable on the long run: she out of nostalgia and childhood dreams, him because he saw her as a novelty, a new Blair. Once a mistmatch, always a mismatch.

Random bits I noticed:

That shot of Lily on the restaurant watching everything around her really reminded me of that scene in Titanic where Rose is having lunch with her mother and some other ladies and she sees this little girl learning about manners and suddendly it’s clear as day how much of a never ending cycle of appareances that life is, how exhausting and how much of a prison that life is.

That classic car Rufu’s drive off was lovely, where can I get one?

#gossip girl #gossip girl recap #gossip girl rewatch #1x12 #school lies

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nikeairmaxt07-blog1 · 4 years ago

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Heartfelt Birthday Wishes for your Mother

Peruse the best assortment of sincere Birthday Wishes for Mom. Each mother merits extraordinary acknowledgment on her birthday. In the event that you get the opportunity to visit, bring a blessing. Possibly she has consistently adored chocolate cherries. Bring her a container, enclosed by exquisite paper. Include a card that you have gotten yourself, with a unique, customized birthday message you have composed inside. On the off chance that you can't appear face to face, you can in any case send blessings and messages. Attempt to send a bundle or a card sufficiently early so it will show up on schedule. It's imperative to show your mom that you are thinking about her; we as a whole prefer to be recalled at extraordinary occasions. Here is a rundown of uncommon mother's birthday wishes that can be added to a card or sent by email. Messages sent by email can be sent ultimately and still show up on schedule! Consider what a fortune it will be the point at which she opens her email on her unique day and finds a little message from you. Regardless of whether you will see her soon thereafter, it actually says that you love her and was thinking about her. Browse this rundown of 50 charming birthday messages you can send to give her that you give it a second thought!

Glad Birthday, Mom! I need you to realize that I am nothing without you, yet I can be everything with you close by. Love you! Each birthday memory I have incorporates you lighting the candles on my cake. Much obliged to you for all that you have done, and I am anticipating giving back in kind this end of the week. Consistently I wake up, I generally have you to thank. I have your direction, your glow, your affection, and your heart: somebody who cherishes me genuinely. Right or wrong, you are forever my Mom. Mother, nobody can actually have your spot in my heart. I love you for all eternity. Regardless of where I go or whom I meet, you will consistently be Number One to me. Out of the apparent multitude of moms out there, you have certainly overcome the most, since raising me was likely a bad dream. However, you actually suffered it and cherished me perpetually, and for that, I appreciate you. Cheerful Birthday! My dear mother, regardless of how wrinkled your face has become, the grin that joins it is more brilliant than any individual, regardless of how youthful or old. Your thoughtful heart is the thing that has joined everybody around you, making them love you. Be constantly this astounding individual that you are today. Cheerful Birthday!

At the point when everybody disclosed to me I'd fizzle, you revealed to me I had just succeeded, however I simply needed to place in the work for it. At the point when no one had confidence in me, you did. When all that appeared to be dim, you turned on the lights. You are the sort of individual that everybody needs in their carries on with, the sort of individual to consistently adore and trust in others. The individual to not think about negatives and just spotlight on the positives. The sort of individual that merits the world, yet just requests love. Since for you, love has consistently been your whole world. Cheerful Birthday! You have offered me such incredible guidance throughout the long term, Mother. I need to take this exceptional day and use it as a chance to thank you for all that you do. Indeed, I wind up without any words to communicate the amount you intend to me on this extraordinary day. In any case, you realize me better than I know myself, so I'm certain you definitely know. Have the best Birthday ever! In this way, perhaps you generally consumed supper and bought locally acquired birthday cakes, you actually figured out how to make a great family. Glad Birthday to an astonishing mother who just continues showing signs of improvement. The more established I get, the more I understand that Mom is in every case right. It truly is genuine that individuals show signs of improvement with age. Try not to let another birthday get you down when you simply improve with consistently. For an incredible duration, you have consistently been the quality that holds me up in the stormiest of times. I love you.

I have an inclination that I am not communicating my adoration for you enough, so I picked this day as a chance to do as such. I need you to recognize what a stunning of a mother you are. Continually thinking about me like no one else ever has. As yet putting stock in me when no one did as such. Continually putting my requirements before yours when everybody was looking simply after themselves. I love you, and that is the most earnest words that have ever happened to my mouth, and I accept they are sufficient to communicate what might have taken pages upon pages to communicate my affections for you effectively. Upbeat Birthday! You are stunningly lovely with every year you age, and I guarantee I'm not trying to say this since it's your Birthday. That's right, I simply checked the mirror, and I'm glad to state I look increasingly more like you consistently. That must mean you aren't looking any more seasoned despite the fact that it's your Birthday. That makes my future look incredible! Just a super mother can do all that you do and still look astonishing each day! Cheerful Birthday to a mother who just continues getting more youthful on a basic level. As you get up early today, I trust you appreciate the fresh natural air brimming with brilliant daylight and relish the sound of peeping winged creatures. May each morning of this new year be as splendid and exceptional as the delight you bring to my life. Cheerful Birthday, Mom!

You merit a birthday that is as astonishing as you seem to be! Glad Birthday to the World's Best Mother! Ardent welcome to my heavenly attendant sweetheart. May your day be made of pleasantness. Upbeat Birthday, Mom! Dear Mom, I need to state thank you for bringing forth me and supporting me consistently. You are to be sure the best mother an individual can have. I love you. Upbeat Birthday! My most prominent wish is to grow up and turn out to be much the same as you. Upbeat Birthday, Mother, and thank you for your entire being and guidance that has helped me become the individual I am today. Recollect that birthday cake you made me with my preferred animation character? I realize that it took hours, and it generally spoke to the consideration you shared on my exceptional day. Presently, it's my chance to take you out for a unique day. Each morning that I wake up, I accomplish something that makes me consider you. From cooking to cleaning to dealing with the children, I see you in all that I do. Much obliged to you for going down these significant life exercises. Hello, recall that family excursion when we got lost and ended up having some good times than we ever arranged? Life growing up with you really is an undertaking, and I anticipate more to come. There is consistently one day of the year that I can generally give a valiant effort to give you how you affect me consistently. Today is your day, and I trust you appreciate what I have available. Upbeat Birthday, Mother!

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hilarieburtonmorgan · 5 years ago

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MORNINGS WITH HILARIE BURTON MORGAN AT MISCHIEF FARM

In the series ‘Mornings With’, we begin a new day with inspiring talent in film, television and media, in an equally inspiring place in New York. ROSE & IVY founding editor, Alison Engstrom sits down and chats about morning routines, exciting projects and what inspires them and drives them to be their very best. Given the current climate, we had to switch gears slightly, but we are beyond delighted to meet Hilarie Burton Morgan at her farm in Upstate New York.

In this day and age, curling up with a good book that transports, uplifts and makes you want to be a better human is vital. In our newest edition of Mornings With, I am incredibly excited to chat with Hilarie Burton Morgan about her debut book, The Rural Diaries: Love, Livestock, and Big Life Lessons Down on Mischief Farm. In this heartfelt and honest work, which is part memoir and part DIY with other life antidotes—hot pepper flakes to keep squirrels out of the garden (genius!), the Burton pickle recipe and how to make dandelion wine—she wants to inspire readers to take a risk. She speaks eloquently about what she had to endure in her early days as an actress, her search for meaning, building a life on a farm, relationship obstacles, grief, fertility struggles, losing herself and then ultimately finding herself. I also talked to her about her morning routines, how she lives her life with intention and the importance of creating a community.

Would you say are you a morning person?

I have always been the kind of person who wakes up in the morning in a good mood. I like potential and mornings are full of potential—I have been that way since I was little. I am absolutely a morning person, however, I don’t get dressed until the afternoon because I cherish the morning. I can get a lot of things done in a bathrobe, so I make my mornings last as long as possible

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

I have to get my kids going so the first thing I do is I get my son up and make him breakfast, then pack his lunch and then I’ll go and get my daughter up and get her dressed. Then we do school drop off. I am most productive in my morning hours; it’s when I am making my lists and doing the things that require higher brain function, like answering emails, because then I can go into manual labor mode at the end of the day, hunker down and get my work done.

I know that coffee is important to you because you have a section about it in the book—a girl after my own heart! How do you prepare it?

I go through a yearly cycle where halfway through the summer, my sweet tooth kicks in and it’s when I use a lot of creamer, I like putting hazelnut creamer into my coffee that is my guilty pleasure. I also love a good gas station coffee, where it’s like the French vanilla latte— it’s just sugar with some brown food coloring. Then the other six months, I drink it black and as temperatures are starting to warm up, I don’t want all of the dairy and I just like it thin, angry and very, very strong. At Samuel’s Sweet Shop we serve Partner’s Coffee and we also have a deal with Brooklyn Roasting Company—they created a coffee for us that we are going to be selling on the Mischief Farm website.

“I have always been the kind of person who wakes up in the morning in a good mood. I like potential and mornings are full of potential.”

Do you have a motivating morning mantra or meditation practice that helps to frame your day?

I don’t have a meditation practice; making lists I think is very important for me, it’s something that I have always done. My dad has this phrase that he has had forever, which I talk about in the book. It is: the want to, creates the how-to. If you want something bad enough, you will creatively think of every way you can get it and how to do it. If you aren’t able to figure out how to do it, and you are like meh, maybe you didn’t really want it in the first place. So going into each day thinking about what I want to do and how am I going to get it is one mantra. And another mantra is, I used to do a lot of student government growing up and one convention had this huge banner with a motto that said: if not you, then who? It’s one of those universal truths that everyone should probably say, I mean, if you don’t jump on it, who else is going to do it? That’s a call to arms.

Before we talk about your book, how are you and your family doing during this time? Per your Instagram, you have been busy at work sewing masks for frontline workers.

I don’t feel great—I feel like there's much more that we can be doing. The problem I think specifically with being a mom right now is that we are working, we are mothering, we are housekeeping and trying to do all of these things while trying to be an active member of our community; we aren’t succeeding necessarily at any of them. We are getting by with a lot of these things, but we have to be okay with just getting by right now. There are no wins right now or we have to reevaluate what wins are right now, we have to be very gentle with ourselves and not be judgy. I got mad at myself this morning because I hadn't made masks in four days and I felt like I was letting people down. It’s hard because it’s all I want to focus on—I could churn out like 200 if I could just sit down alone and do it but I have people sending me messages about how to do it or asking me to connect makers with facilities that need things and so a lot of that coordination eats up a lot of time and at the end of the day, I look at my pile of masks and it's not as big as I want it to be. Because it is all unknown, there is no clear directive on what our next best thing is. Right now my daughter is obsessed with Frozen II and it’s been on repeat in our house. There is a song in it The Next Right Thing and I feel like Disney purposefully did this to me (laughs) because it is in my head right now. Do the next right thing, maybe it’s the dishes, the laundry, or making a mask.

Congratulations on your first book The Rural Diaries! It’s wonderful—you speak so eloquently about love, loss, growth, grief, happiness, ups and downs in a relationship, losing yourself and finding yourself, with so many other real and raw emotions that are very relatable. What was the process like and did you always want the book to be so honest?

I honestly set out to write a book about the farm and to encourage people to take risks. As I sat down to write it, I was pregnant with my daughter, I started it two months before she was born and then wrote it until last May. It took me a long time, especially the editing process of making sure that everything made sense and was accurate. I was very precious with it. That said, I didn't set out to write something that was so oversharing but I think that in order to encourage people to take big risks, I needed to admit the things that I had done wrong and to admit my vulnerabilities, my insecurities, because I am a deeply insecure person, and that’s not a bad thing, it just means that I care. So I felt like a fraud writing oh, this is my farm and aren’t my flowers pretty, kind of book. So much effort went into cultivating this lifestyle and it felt cheap not to acknowledge it.

“ I don’t want to be a person who mindlessly does things. I don’t want to coast because I think it’s a disservice to people who I have lost. If I am not taking advantage of every single day, it’s an affront to the loss. ”

As I was reading it, you could feel your blood, sweat and tears and all of the work that went into making a home and also your DIY spirit. I love that the bigger picture, as you said is to take a risk. If you stay in your comfort zone your whole life you will look back in 20 years and be disappointed that you didn’t even try. Would you say that it was the biggest leaf of faith you’ve taken?

I would say it was the biggest gamble because I am not near my old support network, there was no family or friends here. It was me and my son in a cabin. Jeffrey (Dean Morgan, Hilarie’s husband) was coming back and forth from work and we were trying to figure out how we were going to create a life up here. You put your energy into your priorities right and a lot of people make work their priority. What we are discovering in this current situation is that maybe what’s going on in your home could be a bigger priority. Let’s make healthy circles, work might be an outer circle and home is an inner circle. Now we have this amazing support network because we made connecting with the people in our town a priority. It’s paying off specifically right now because we are so interconnected and we can take care of each other in a lot of different ways.

What I loved so much about the book is that it feels like your heart, mind and soul lined up when you found where you belonged in Rhinebeck, New York. It was like a moment of grace.

I remember being a little girl and we weren’t allowed to go to other people's houses or have friends over. I was one of a lot of kids—I have three younger brothers—and it was like, play with each other! I’d hide out in my room all day and just daydream. I was a huge daydreamer and a big reader; in my mind, I had this idea of what my adulthood would be. It involved caftans, a lot of beads, books, crazy hair and this pastoral lifestyle. There was this character in the movie Tammy and the Bachelor—it’s this Debbie Reynolds movie and there was this old spinster aunt who was super eccentric and wanted to paint cats and I was like that sounds great. So living a lifestyle that was a little bit outside the norm was always something that was appealing. And when I came to Rhinebeck it was like walking into the backlot of a Hollywood movie studio, it was beautiful. Everyone knew each other and it felt like a club that you wanted to join, like when you get into high school and you say, I want to be a part of that club. I wanted to be a part of it, so I made it a priority to get to know people and offer up help. When there is a charity event, it's like, what can I do? It feels nice to have the family that you choose for yourself.

What was it about the acting world that lured you in? Would you say you were a natural performer?

I had been doing theater since I was eight. I asked to be put in classes when I was four or five—I was very articulate about wanting to be a performer as a child. My parents, God bless them, gave me every opportunity they could afford. I did all of the local and regional theater in Virginia. They would get off work and spend all night taking me to rehearsals. They would drive me up to New York once a month so I could audition. We would rent a car, it was a big deal. I did a lot of professional theater as a kid so that was always there. My decision to go to college in New York was solely based on wanting to be where the opportunities existed. I just applied to every school in Manhattan and went to the one that gave me the most money. I love the city because there is so much kismet in it, when Manhattan feels like a small town, it’s magical. I’ll run into people from like 20 years ago who I worked with at MTV.

“I honestly set out to write a book about the farm to encourage people to take risks.”

In the book, you talk about how you were very disappointed when you left One Tree Hill. later in the book, you revealed what you had to endure on set.

I was so disappointed that I got everything that I wanted and it was just so toxic, there really isn’t any other way to describe it. I am very good friends with the cast of that show and I am very good friends with so many crew members of that show but there was an overarching toxic thing. When it’s your first job, you assume that every other job will just be more of that, I was exhausted by that and really second guessed my life. It wasn’t until I got my next big job on White Collar, where I saw what it was supposed to be. I saw what leadership was supposed to look like, how people were supposed to be treated and how your boss can be an ally, as opposed to someone terrorizing you the whole entire time. I remember joking and telling a group of the writers some horror stories of One Tree Hill and laughing about it, saying, oh my gosh and you wouldn’t believe it and I remember them stopping me as a young women, I was 27, and saying, it’s not supposed to be like that and we are so so sorry that happened to you. I was so embarrassed that someone had to take me by the shoulders and tell me that. It set the bar very high for future jobs. When you get the right baseline, it’s all very manageable and fun. I love doing what I do but there was a period of time where I was so scared that what I had imagined this industry was didn't exist.

It definitely made me prioritize my personal life over my professional life. Because in my professional life, specifically on that job, I was told, you are so wonderful! You are the best! You are the best actress, the prettiest, the most talented. I was the one going out and doing all of the press, doing all of the interviews and engaging with all of the sponsors—I played the game hard for that show, because I thought that they loved me but when I raised my hand and said that there was some really bad stuff going on here, it was all of a sudden you are disposable, you don’t matter to us, we can replace you. So I knew that I had to create something real in my life so that that work thing couldn’t touch the core anymore. It derailed me, it was like a really bad divorce.

While renovating your home you said, “Even with all the blood, sweat and tears. I felt like I was coming back to the truest version of myself.” It’s a great metaphor of how you were also rebuilding how you felt inside.

I think that manual labor is very important for self-esteem—being an actress you are treated like you are a little idiot. If you have input of what your lines should be or how you want to wear your hair, your costume or what props you want, in good work environments there is collaboration, in toxic work environments there is eye-rolling, it's like oh, you little idiot, stay in your lane—-just hit your mark, say your lines and go home. So doing tangible work, where I could be in total control and that I controlled the end product was so good for my self-esteem and my self-worth. To this day, I still revert back to that. I just ordered five gallons of paint that got delivered yesterday because I feel so out of control in the midst of this pandemic and what I can control is the color of my living room walls. So when my children go to bed at night, I will be painting my living room.

“It’s very important that our children witnessed us dividing and conquering and playing to each other’s strengths and championing each other’s strengths.”

You talked about how your friend Scott’s death affected you and that you wanted to “Wake up intentionally. Work intentionally. Eat intentionally. And rest intentionally.” I love that. What does intention mean to you today?

I lifted that whole passage from a journal that I kept right when Scott died. When I set down to write the book, I pulled out my journals from the last 20 years and put them all out and that specific section, I wrote the week after he died. I still want to live by those words. I don’t want to be a person who mindlessly does things. I don't want to coast because I think it’s a disservice to people who I have lost. If I am not taking advantage of every single day, it’s an affront to the loss; it’s being hyperaware. I can’t live up to that every day, no one can, but if we can manage that like three to four days out of the week, that’s good.

You talk about the moment that you pivoted, after you experienced your first miscarriage, you said, “My grief was making me someone I hated.” You channeled that loss into helping others by volunteering at the Astor Services for Children and Families in Rhinebeck. I love how you said, “In working for others, we found ourselves again.”

I feel safe saying that I am a self-loathing person that stems back to some elementary school drama. Everyone carries some degree of that and everyone deals with it. When I have time to sit there and think about myself and woe is me, I can spiral just as much as the next guy, but when I am feeling that time and putting my energy to where people need it and who are desperately seeking help, affirmation or guidance or physical manual labor. It’s not that I feel better about myself but I feel a purpose out of my own self-loathing. I feel like that becomes a tool instead of a liability. You have to use the tools that you have. My self-loathing allows me to rally the troops in town, or put on a show or paint some walls.

So many women are going to relate to your journey to conceive. My heart was breaking for you as you lost your first and then second baby. Was it hard to reflect back on that part of the journey for the book or was it therapeutic?

I needed to write the book that I needed to read when it happened. The narrative with miscarriage is that women are just getting to be open to talking about it, men haven’t reached that yet. James Van Der Beek is one of the only men, who I know, who has spoken on the subject. There was no way for me to know what was going on with my husband and how he felt about my infertility or our losses because the language wasn’t there. Men aren’t allowed to mourn that way, they are expected to be strong and just help me get through it—it’s their job to make sure that I am okay. A girlfriend gave me a book called Vessels: A Love Story by Daniel Raeburn that was written from the male perspective, without Jeffrey even having to come out of his shell, or his garage where he had been hiding out, all of a sudden, I had this guide book for what he was dealing with and it very much softened my perspective. What I wanted to put into the world was for the couple who perhaps was having trouble and that celebrity narrative of oh, this brought us closer together is making them feel like a failure, the same way that it was making me feel like a failure. I wanted them to know that it is perfectly alright for you and your partner to have two different sets of needs in the midst of trauma and it doesn’t mean that you are doomed or aren't destined for each other, it just means that maybe you have to walk two separate paths for a minute. But that doesn't mean you aren’t going to meet back up. I needed people to know that was okay. There wasn’t a lot of information telling me that it was okay.

I love discussing the subject of fear with people because it can often play such a big player in someone’s life. In the book you wrote, “There is an absolute moment of freedom when you realize that the things that used to scare you have no power over you anymore.” I underlined that about three times. Is there anything that makes you feel fear today that you are working to rise above?

I have to set new goals for myself—I have said out loud I want to direct. I think it’s important to grow female talent in whatever industry. There is this expectation that you become an actress when you are 20 and you just stay an actress for forever, whereas for men, there are a lot of opportunities for them to direct, produce. create and all of that. I would like to grow in that aspect, I mean I am nervous about it because I don’t know if I’ll be any good. I feel like I have been in the business for a long time and I think I am very comfortable in this current stage because I got what I said I wanted, I got my baby and the farm is becoming a well-oiled machine, so then it becomes what types of stories do I want to tell. I want to write another book, so I am thinking about what’s the next book going to be. The fiction book is always there and I have so many short stories, but because you bring it up, the thing I am most scared of is putting fiction out there because it’s something that I have written my whole life for me and the idea of having it scrutinized is terrifying.

“...it is perfectly alright for you and your partner to have two different sets of needs in the midst of trauma and it doesn’t mean that you are doomed or aren’t destined for each other, it just means that maybe you have to walk two separate paths for a minute. ”

What was the process like of creating the book?

I spoke with a bunch of different publishers and I cannot praise Harper One enough. The second they got my book and my sample chapters, they were like, this is a feminist book. It was a boardroom full of women and they let me pick everything. They let me art direct it and pick every little piece of it because they wanted me to love it—what an amazing partnership. I didn't anticipate that I would be given that freedom. I cannot wait to write another book for them.

In addition to everything that you do, you also help run Samuel’s Sweet Shop, a joint endeavor in Rhinebeck. What’s been one of the biggest lessons you have learned about running a business?

I was very very lucky in that our business partners Andy Ostroy and his girlfriend Phoebe Jonas and then Julie Rudd and her husband Paul have all brought such different skill sets to the endeavor. Andy has had a marketing company in Manhattan for years so he understands business in a way that I don't necessarily do. Julie was a PR executive and knew what we needed to do to create the brand and I was the one who really wanted to do the manual labor part of it. I wanted to be in the shop and touch everything and make it pretty and aesthetically pleasing. It’s very important that our children witnessed us dividing and conquering and playing to each other’s strengths and championing each other’s strengths. I don’t have any illusions that I am good at everything but I have friends who fill in my gaps.

You are currently co-hosting and producing Night In With the Morgans on AMC and have a recurring role on NBC’s new show, “Council of Dads.” What factors have to come into play before you sign onto a new project?

That’s my kismet job. I had a public falling with a former employer because they weren’t as interested in telling as diverse of stories as I did. I just stopped working with them and it was a paycheck I wasn’t getting. I put out into the world that I wanted to tell more diverse stories and then a girlfriend of mine, Tara who I share the same birthday with and who I reference in the book, we were talking about what we wanted to do for our collective birthday that year and I said I wanted to go to Savannah because I had never been. Three days later, I got a phone call and they said, Hilarie, you got to get on a plane, there is this job waiting for you in Savannah, which was Council of Dads. This show is a beautiful showcase of what family, love and connectivity can be. Even though we shot it pre-pandemic, I cannot think of a better project to put out into the world right now. It feels really weird to be promoting anything right now, knowing how much hurt and anxiety people are feeling, but I feel very comfortable in pointing people in the direction of that show because I feel like it’s a big warm hug.

#hilarie burton #interview #2020

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emma-nation · 5 years ago

Text

Thinking Of You (Mona x MC Fanfiction) - Chapter 7

You said move on Where do I go? I guess second best Is all I will know

Summary: Years later, Allison has everything she wants, a brand-new internship as a doctor, a handsome boyfriend… but her first nightshift won’t go as expected…

Genre: Romance, Angst

Tag list: @zoe6111, @simsvetements, @mvrinettes, @whoinvitedalx, @scarlet-letter-a0114, @abunchofbadchoices, @kamilahmademedoit, @janurary, @talkinlikeateen, @eagle-one-1, @andreear17, @tia-bi, @monagf, @monahott, @fal-carrington, @crazzyplays, @honorablebicycle, @teja-desai (let me know if you want to be tagged!)

Notes:

- English is not my first language, forgive me for any mistakes.

- Choices July Challenge starts tomorrow and I’m more than excited to share some other MonaxMC fics with you. Stay tuned!!

"I still don't like this idea," Mr. Wheeler grunted.

"Neither do I," Mona responded, scowling with arms crossed. "Do I look like I'm happy?"

"Will you two ever stop?" Allison finished placing her things inside her purse.

"I hope you're not doing this, ruining your life, because of her again."

Mona rolled her eyes.

"Look, I only accepted this damn plan because Allison tends to do some stupid things. I know she'll get in trouble."

"For the first time we agree, Mona. Though this behavior is more usual when you're around."

"Are we good to go?" Allison interrupted, trying to put an end in the discussion.

As expected, Mr. Wheeler wasn't happy. He protested, accused her of throwing her entire future away because of Mona but, in the end, he threw the towel, knowing it was useless to try to change her mind.

Mona nodded, waiting for her in front of the door.

"Before we go," Allison pulled out her cell phone, "one last thing."

She snapped a picture of Mona.

"Mona's first day of college. We need to save that moment. Your mom is going to be so proud!"

"Don't you even dare to send her that!" Mona angered. "If she knows I'm playing the bait for a serial killer, she'll kill me and your father together."

Allison laughed.

"Don't worry, but we'll show her when all of this is over. She’ll be proud anyways."

Mona sighed and shook her head.

Outside, they were about to enter her car when she stood still, staring at a luxurious car parked at the opposite side of the street. Noticing their presence, the car drove away. Mona scowled.

"Who was that?" Allison asked, curious and worried.

"No one," she answered. “No one that matters.”

Ignoring the tension in the air, Allison changed the subject.

"I can't believe we're actually doing this!" She giggled as Mona started driving. "I'm so excited."

"You're the only person I've ever met that would want to catch a serial killer to run away from your life. And I've met some weird kinds in prison."

With the mission, Mona was finally being more open around Allison. Her mood also improved, though she fought hard to hide it. She was always smiling and making jokes. The night were Allison confessed her feelings was never mentioned again, but she planned to bring that up again soon, when she was finally able to break her engagement.

Griffin had been unreachable lately. The internet signal was very poor in the area he was volunteering. Mona would often tease her, about him having a second fiancée in Africa.

They parked. Mona wouldn't leave the car.

"Let's go," Allison called.

"I suddenly feel nauseous again."

"Don't tell me Mona, who doesn't give a damn about anything, is actually nervous?"

"C-Can you blame me? Do you have any idea of how long ago was the last time I was in school? And trust me, it wasn't good."

"Okay... I'm gonna do something my dad always did, in my first school days," she kissed Mona's cheek. "A good luck kiss! See you at lunch."

Mona froze and then blushed. Allison left the car, leaving her alone. She hid herself behind a tree and observed at distance as she followed her own way.

----------

The day passed quick, but it wasn't any easy for Mona. As she entered her first class, she felt a lump on her throat.

"So this is how it feels like," she thought, remembering her past and how she was supposed to have attended to NYU or Columbia. Both of them granted her full scholarships, over a science project she developed in High School and she perfect GPA.

She picked a seat at the most hidden corner she could find in the auditorium. In that moment, Mona completely understood Mr. Wheeler’s feelings towards her. She acted so stupid, throwing everything away for a girl. Searching her name on Google, she found out she was in jail again. Drug dealing this time. And she didn't even look so pretty or cool anymore.

The classes were easier than she expected. For someone that got a GED in prison, she stood out, being the one to answer all the questions teachers asked. Of course, not without attracting some jealousy from her classmates.

Anyways, it was lunch time and she was ready to reunite with Allison.

"Any news?" Mona asked, as soon as she joined her at the table. "I can't wait to get the hell out of here."

"No, there wasn't any creepy guys selling drugs in my classroom," Allison joked. "But come on, was it so bad?"

"Bad? My classmates have started spreading rumors I was in jail for murdering some dude. The only person who actually interacted with me was this Christian girl, saying she'll help me to find redemption."

Allison couldn't help but laugh.

"What about you? How many Graysons did you meet in class?"

"Griffin. But no, there was no one like him."

"Obviously,” Mona finally grinned, ironically. “Because he's the most perfect, handsome and also, good in bed."

"No, actually it’s because most of my classmates are women."

"Oh! Any like me? I doubt it."

"Of course not! You're one in a million, Mona."

Mona suddenly stop laughing, wondering if Allison was still joking of if she really meant that. Before she could ask, her expression changed and she became serious.

"I'm breaking up with him," she told.

"Oh, my condolences."

"Can you just be serious and listen to me? I mean, I like talking to you. You don't judge or put any pressure on me."

Mona inhaled deeply, thinking of what to say, without sounding sarcastic or thrilled about the break up. She tried to remember the therapy sessions she was forced to attend in prison, where the therapist taught her to be more empathetic.

"Listen, Allison. You know I'm not the most appropriate person for heartfelt conversations or to offer comfort but..." she placed her hand on top of hers. "You gotta do what's the best for you. If you're not happy anymore, just do it. You're smart and pretty, besides having some impressive hot wiring skills and being a great driver. I’d say you still can have a lot of fun before settling down with someone."

"That was the sweetest thing I've heard in years," Allison smiled. "Thank you."

Mona didn't immediately removed her hand, Allison didn't bother moving hers either. They stayed like that for a brief moment, enjoying each other’s touch.

"But I'm worried about you," Allison spoke again, in a serious tone. "About that guy who was parked in front of home this morning. You're not in danger, are you?"

Mona sighed. She didn't like sharing, but since she was staying in Allison's house, she deserved to know the truth.

"That's my..." she cleared her throat before saying the word, "father. Though he's the ultimate douchebag, he offers no threat. I hadn't seen him since I was fifteen. I have no idea why he suddenly became obsessed with me."

She told about his famous dealership, with all the stores he had around the country and how he had been keeping her car for the last few years.

"Maybe he's trying to make it up for the lost time and bond with you?"

"No, it's something else. I just don't know what."

Allison checked her watch, concluding it was almost time to go.

"I had a really nice time chatting with you," she said before leaving. "I hope we can do this more often."

"Yeah, me too..." Mona whispered, but she was already gone.

----------

After lunch, Mona had a freshmen orientation in the library. Checking her phone, there was already multiple messages from Detective Wheeler, asking if she had gotten anything. She rolled her eyes and started to examine her surroundings.

"Remember what you're here for. This life isn't for you. You're only playing a role."

There was this young male, Brian. She had been watching him since the early hours in the morning. Mona knew his type very well. Big biceps, small brain. He was a Jock, what made her the suspect number one in her list. Discreetly, she took a picture of him, sending to the Detective.

Passing through one of the library sections, she saw a perfect opportunity to confront him, when he was pestering another freshman girl.

"Come on, gorgeous. Let me give you a tour of the campus. I'll show you the most interesting spots in this place."

"Leave me alone!" The girl ordered.

He didn't obey. Preventing her from leaving the aisle.

"At least give me your number. So we can get to know each other better."

"No!

"Come on..."

Mona decided it was the perfect moment to intervene.

"The girl said no," she calmly said. "Do you even know what 'no' means or... your muscles have overgrown your brain?"

"Get out of here, chick," he angered. "This is between me and... what's your name, gorgeous?"

Mona placed herself between them, frowning at him.

"You're crossing limits here, dude. So it's my business too."

"Do you have any idea of who you're messing with?"

"What about you? Do you have any idea of who you're messing with?"

"Oh my god!" The girl yelled in that moment. "S-She's that girl who was in jail for stabbing a man."

Brian's expression suddenly changed.

"T-Those are rumors. She's only playing the bad girl act."

"Are you willing to test me?"

"I could break you in half if I wanted," the intimidating look was back on his face. "You've been warned. Stay out of my way."

As he went way, Mona glanced back at the girl. Who looked away, avoiding to face her.

"You're welcome," she said upon her silence.

She began to walk away, when she called her back.

"Wait! I'm so sorry, I just wanted to scare him away. I don't even know if these crazy rumors are true."

"And you don't want to find out."

Mona continued her way, but she heard the girl yelling 'thank you' at distance. She didn't care, she had gotten what she wanted. One first suspect for Detective Wheeler.

At the parking lot, she waited for Allison, when Krista, the Christian girl, came to her direction, making her wince in displeasure.

“The Lord is testing me.”

"Mona!" She greeted. "How was your first day? Well, I hope."

"Fabulous," she replied with sarcasm.

"Good. Listen, I really meant it about redemption. If you prove you're willing to follow a new path, you're more than invited for our weekly Bible studies."

Mona didn't answer. She didn't want to sound disrespectful or offend her at all.

"Wow, is that your car?" She asked looking at the Halberdier EVX. "I-It isn't stolen, is it?"

"Probably," Mona sighed deeply. Kaneko had given her that car when she moved to Los Angeles, so it was very possible.

"Oh my god!" She covered her mouth with her hand. "Listen, the first step for your redemption is to get rid of these things. Things that keep you attached to your sinful past. Will you be getting a new car?"

"Maybe, when I have money."

"I could get you a job, if you want. We do charity work for people like you, that served time in prison. But first you need to prove you're willing to reborn to a new life."

"I'll think about it," Mona lied, trying to end that conversation.

As she watched Krista entering her own car, she let out a laugh. She had the most expensive car of the moment. The same model as Dr. Carlson and her father.

"Snob."

----------

Allison was never good at socializing, in school her only friends were always Darius and Riya. In college it wasn't very different. All the friends she made, she met them through Griffin. He was the popular one. But the situation demanded desperate measures. There was going to be a hot party in the weekend, to welcome the freshmen, and she needed to get invited. What place could be better to catch a drug dealer than a party?

During a break between classes, she found a group of girls reunited at the bathroom. She remained silent inside a stall, to listen to their conversation.

"Are you going to the 'Welcome Party'?"

"Sure I am! It's one of the best parties of the year!"

"Do you know where I could get tickets? I tried to buy from Aaron, but he said they're expired."

"Don't tell anyone, but I bought some extra. You know, there will be some desperate people searching for last time tickets and I really could use some extra money."

"Perfect," Allison thought.

She followed them to the corridor, her wallet in hands.

"Hey! Did you say you have tickets for the 'Welcome Party'? I need two."

"You gonna have to pay double for them, honey. I was saving for some friends."

"I have this friend, who's a freshman too. After having such a hard time in life, she could really use some fun. I'll pay the triple."

In the end of the day, she was grinning ear to ear. Mona was waiting for her, leaning against her car's hood in the parking lot. As usual, she had a scowl on her face.

"What happened?" She asked. "I have the most awesome news."

"Is it related to the investigation?" Mona asked. "Because I don’t know how longer I can’t take without telling these dickheads to screw off!"

"Whoa, someone has definitely pissed you off."

First she told her about her suspect and her encounter with him at the library, where Mona saved a girl from him. In the end, she also misjudged her, repeating the rumors for everyone around to listen.

"And then there was this Christian girl, the one who wants to save my soul. She wants me to get rid of my car, but she has that brand-new European model all the douchebags have. My father and Dr. Dickson."

"Hey, your dad is a creep, I agree. But Dr. Carlson is a good man. Have you seen all the humanitarian projects he does?"

Mona looked at her and sighed.

"Anyways," Allison changed the subject. "I have great news. Something that will help you to relax."

"Please, tell me it's my one-way ticket to New York?"

"No, you're not going away so easily. Not before we attend 'The Welcome Party'."

#playchoices #ride or die #mona #mona x mc #mona rod #choices stories you play #ride or die fanfiction

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